


in the right surroundings

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Smut, drunken debauchery, tagging b hard idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21656545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: But to like someone, to connect with them emotionally, to have the urge to dig deeper into who they are, to dream about feeling their hands on him in the most tender of ways, that hasn’t hit Isak in a long time.-A uni au where Isak is feeling a little isolated, Even makes t-shirts for ungrateful soccer players, and everyone is just trying to figure out who they are, whatever that means.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 70
Kudos: 157





	1. The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon

**Author's Note:**

> would you look at that... i'm writing another uni au, full of commas and run on sentences 🤯
> 
> for context, in this fic the events of seasons 3 and 4 pretty much never happened. life just went on, isak grew in some ways and not others. even finished out his last year at bakka, reconnecting with the balloon squad before starting university. they're all in their second year, isak and the rest are in their first, and some have entered the workforce.
> 
> also technically speaking i always picture them in oslo so that's where they are, at the version of uio that lives in my head, aka an amalgamation of university experiences that is not representative of what it really is 👀
> 
> title is from "Pink Light" by MUNA

It starts with Magnus, as many of Isak’s problems these days tend to start.

Isak has already heard absolutely rave reviews about Magnus’ new housemates. As with all of Magnus’ opinions, Isak has taken his stories with a grain of salt.

Ever since Magnus moved into his new place two weeks ago, just the day before classes started, he has been going on and on about his roommates who are “the coolest” and have the “best sense of humor”. Isak is fluent in Magnus-speak however, so he assumes that these guys must just be mini-Magnus clones, if they exist at all. While Isak has come to appreciate Magnus and antics, he knows he can’t handle another cluster of them in his life.

Which is why he is so shocked when Magnus points out one of the most beautiful guys Isak has ever seen, and goes, “It’s Even!”

Isak is sitting in the dining hall with Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas. A familiar scene in high school, but less so since they’ve made their way to university, everyone busy with their new schedules. 

Isak suddenly very concerned about the fact that he didn’t bother putting a hat on over his greasy hair this morning. “That’s one of your roommates?” He asks. 

Mahdi is skeptical as well. “He looks too cool for you. Are you sure you guys are friends?”

Magnus scoffs. “I can make new friends!” He starts waving him over before Isak can get another jab in.

Time moves a little bit in slow motion as the guy approaches. He’s got a joint behind his ear, hair coiffed like he’s in fucking Grease. And yet Isak has no objections.

For all his swagger, he throws on a goofy smile as Magnus stands to throw his arms around him. “Even!”

“Magnus!” He responds, just as enthusiastically.

Jonas and Mahdi give Even a wave while Magnus introduces them. Isak musters up a nod, not really able to do much more with how tense he’s feeling.

He’s no idiot, he knows the guys can’t sense his attraction to the guy, what with Magnus still convinced that Isak is hiding a secret love for Sana, but he’s still careful not to give anything away.

Even says he has a few minutes, and brings a chair up to their table, between Isak and Magnus. “So, this must be the squad?”

Magnus nods emphatically.

“Well,” Jonas interjects, “We’re friends with other people too. We’re not a completely closed system.”

Magnus nods again. “We have friends who are girls.”

“Some of us do.” Mahdi mumbles. Isak gladly returns the high-five Mahdi sets out for him.

Even just laughs at the interaction. “I believe you, Magnus.”

“We have to know, though—is Magnus a good roommate?” Jonas asks.

“He actually is. We’re just glad we got someone in at the last minute.” Even responds, giving Magnus a pat on the back.

“Told you.” Magnus says smugly before turning back to Even, “It was such a relief to find you guys though, after my other housing fell through.”

“I’m just glad you’re not spending the semester on my couch.” Isak says with a laugh.

Jonas puts up a hand. “Pretty sure it’s my couch.”

“Yeah, and Jonas would let me stay on it, right?” Magnus asks.

“Well—” Jonas cringes. “Our place is a little tight already.”

“You guys are the worst. Linn, though. Linn would let me stay.”

Jonas and Isak both laugh at that. “Oh my—Magnus.” Isak starts, slightly fed up. “Linn would spend a full day outside of her room if it meant you not staying over. She hates how loud you are.”

Magnus gears up to respond, but Even cuts him off with a good-natured laugh. “It’s good that we found you then.”

“How many guys are living in your house again?” Mahdi asks.

“There’s six of us, with Magnus. If you hadn’t answered our Facebook post we probably would all be back with our parents.”

“These boys need me, you hear that Isak?”

Isak responds by chucking a chip at Magnus. He’s not above food fights, even in front of a guy he can’t look at head on with melting a little bit.

“Hey, are you pre-med?” Even asks him.

“Um. For now.” Isak responds with a self-deprecating grin. He loves his classes, but he’s realized the research aspect is what he really enjoys. He’s not so sure about his potential bedside manner, so patient care might not be for him.

“You take classes with Sana, though, right? Bakkoush?”

“His future wife, you mean,” Magnus mumbles.

“Yeah, we have a few together.” Isak says, too preoccupied with being under Even’s attention to deal with Magnus right now.

“Nice. Her brother is one of our roommates. Think we’ve seen you guys studying.” Even says with a grin.

“Oh, yeah. Magnus mentioned that, I think. I haven’t met him. But Sana has a lot to say about him.” Isak responds as he leans back in his chair, aiming for an air of indifference. He’s chill. If he tells himself that enough times, maybe he’ll believe it.

Even just nods, still smiling. “Yeah. She’s definitely the levelheaded one in that family.”

“Elias is pretty funny though,” Mahdi says.

“How do you know him?” Isak asks.

Mahdi just rolls his eyes at him. “He’s on our soccer team. You know? The one that we signed up for together? But you keep skipping the practices. That one.”

“Right,” Isak says with a wince. “I’ve only missed two.” He sneaks a look at Even, but he just seems to be watching the exchange with amusement.

“So when will you go?”

“I don’t know, the next one?” Isak retorts, hands up in defeat. “It’s intramural sports, Jesus Christ.”

“I’m holding you to that.” Mahdi says with a sharp look. He turns back to Even, looking much more friendly. “And some of those Tik Toks you guys make are kind of funny.”

Even groans and puts his head in his hands. “I fucking hate that app.”

Jonas starts laughing. “Wait, someone definitely showed me one of those. It was actually pretty good. Is it like, prank videos usually?”

“Adam does pranks sometimes. And it’s usually Yousef or Elias that do the dances.”

Mahdi nods. “I think someone posted it on the university meme page.”

Even laughs, face still red with embarrassment. “Elias, probably. He’s all about getting the brand out there. He probably put a link to our Youtube channel there too.”

“Dude!” Magnus exclaims, “You gotta get me in one of those. I’m a pretty good dancer.”

Even shrugs. “You should just ask Elias. He makes like—two a day. He thinks he’s a producer.”

Isak looks back and forth between them all. He recalls Sana complaining a few weeks ago about her brother’s new dream of becoming an influencer. 

He hates that he feels slightly better at seeing Even flustered, but it’s nice to see he isn’t a perfect wax statue. “What, uh—what kinds of videos do you like to make, then?”

“I like to be behind the camera, mostly.” Even says. “But just weird ones, with funny little plots, that type of thing.”

Isak nods, making a mental note to look up the account and the Youtube channel during his next class. It’s a big lecture, and he’s found the book to be infinitely more helpful than the professor. But he still sits there half-listening each class.

“You’re into film, right?” Magnus asks.

“Yeah, that’s the plan.”

“So cool.” Magnus says, shaking his head. He turns to the rest of the table. “Didn’t I tell you guys? So cool.”

Isak, for once, has no objections to Magnus’ statement.

-

It’s Friday, four days later, and Isak finds himself sipping lukewarm beer in the apartment of a guy whose name he can’t remember. He doesn’t really have to go to the bathroom, but he’s feeling a little wrung out.

Isak has noticed he gets more touchy feely when he’s sloppy drunk these days. And now that he’s not hooking up with girls, but not really ready to be hooking up with guys, he’s been trying to keep it in check. Doesn’t really want to come out because he’s almost black out and can’t keep his shit together.

But his dad had called him today, asking how his classes are going. A perfectly reasonable question, Isak knows, but sometimes the sound of his voice gets under his skin. When his dad started asking about fall break, whether Isak would come home or not, whether he’d go to his mom’s or his dad’s, he rushed off the phone. He’ll think about it later.

He’d had a good buzz going when he first got to the party with Jonas, but now it’s just got him down. Jonas is on his way to hammered, freestyling in the living room with some guys he just met, and Isak can tell already he’ll be carrying his friend home tonight. So he just needs a little break before that happens.

He knocks on the bathroom door, but someone mumbles a reply that they’ll be out in a minute.

Even, of course, is the one who opens it. “Oh! Sana’s Isak. Or should I say Magnus’ Isak.”

“Eh,” Isak shrugs. “Just Isak’s Isak.”

“Right.” Even laughs. “Uh. Need the bathroom?”

“Yep.” He rolls his neck.

“You good?”

Isak tilts his head side to side. “Just a little…” He doesn’t know what.

But Even nods anyways, like he gets it. And Isak feels like he just might. “Having fun?”

Isak huffs. “I think I’ll be dealing with a very sick Jonas in about ten minutes, so. You?”

“That’s nice that you’re looking out. Not much fun for you though.”

“Well. Pretty good compared to some nights I’ve had.”

“Really?” Even raises his eyebrows. “What’s a bad night, then? When Jonas is the one that has to shuttle you home instead?”

Isak focuses on the small cracks in the wallpaper just next to Even’s head. He still has trouble with direct eye contact. “Eh. He’s taken care of me enough. Gotta return the favor at some point.”

Even shrugs. “Yeah, but friendships don’t have to be transactional.”

“No.. it’s not like—it’s not. I’m just. Tired, so.”

Even is still in the doorway, and Isak doesn’t really know how to ask him to move. If he wants to ask at all.

“Do you wanna see something funny?” Even asks abruptly, with a knowing smile.

“Maybe? Sure. What is it?”

Even takes a step back into the bathroom, motioning for Isak to follow inside. Isak pauses for a moment. The repressed and horny part of his brain has to wonder if this is a proposition, but he shuts that down real fast.

Once he steps inside, Even grabs something off the sink and hands it to him. It’s a roll of toilet paper. Fuck. “Do I—?” He gestures to his face, hoping he hasn’t been walking around with the pasta sauce from dinner on his cheek all night like an idiot.

Even shakes his head, laughing. “No. Look at it!”

Isak looks down. “Is that Paul McCartney?”

“That’s right, Isak’s Isak,” Even says, giggling now. “That is Paul McCartney’s face on toilet paper.”

“Why?”

“It gets better.” Even pulls him further into the bathroom, and points at a painting right above the toilet. “John Lennon.”

Isak feels way more drunk than he is all of a sudden. “Where are we?” He can’t help but laugh along with Even. “Whose apartment is this?”

Even shakes his head. “I have no idea.”

“Is there a Ringo shower curtain?”

“Not yet.”

“They gotta get on that.”

“Maybe a George Harrison hand towel?”

Isak smiles as he hands the roll back to Even. “Now we’re talking.”

Even puts it back in the little holder. “If you had to dedicate a bathroom shrine to any artist, who would it be?”

“What the fuck kind of question is that?”

“Well,” Even gestures around the tiny bathroom. “That’s what this is. What musician do you love so much that you want to wipe your butt with their face every day?”

Isak brings his face to his hands to keep from doubling over in laughter. This conversation is absurd, but also. Exactly what he needs. “That seems disrespectful.”

“That’s true.” Even taps his chin, faux-serious. “Paper towels, then. Whose face would you have on paper towels?”

“I don’t know. NWA, maybe?”

“Good choice.”

“What about you?” Even is wearing a Notorious BIG shirt, and Isak wants to ask if he maybe already has the paper towels ready to go.

Even opens his mouth to answer, but something behind Isak grabs his attention first.

“Even! There you are.” Isak turns to see a girl waiting in the doorway.

“Here I am.” Isak tucks himself against the sink so Even can pass by, leaving just enough room so they don’t touch. “Sonja, this is Isak. Isak, Sonja. My girlfriend.”

Isak gives her a wave. She smiles back as Even puts a hand around her waist. They’re very beautiful together. That’s about all Isak can think at the moment. They…fit. How nice for them.

“I should—” He gestures to the bathroom.

“Right!” Sonja says, laughing. “We’ll leave you be.”

Even turns back to give him a bright smile as they head down the hallway. Isak retreats into the Beatles toilet shrine. He still doesn’t actually have to use the bathroom, so he just stares at John Lennon. John Lennon stares back. 

He doesn’t feel much. Isn’t art supposed to make you feel? Does a photo-realistic painting of John Lennon even fall under the category of art? Isak has no answers. As per usual.

After a few minutes it starts to feel like both John and Paul are judging him for being anti-social. Isak glares at them. “Least I don’t have to watch people pee all day.” Before Isak can consider why he’s assigning judgement to inanimate objects, Jonas texts him that he wants to go home. Isak is happy to escape the bathroom, at least.

-

Isak ends up watching over Jonas for a while in the bathroom at their own apartment when they get back. They’d stumbled in slowly, careful to keep quiet with Linn’s room just next door. He sits on the edge of the tub, glass of water and paper towels in hand while Jonas continues to boot.

Now that Isak looks around, their bathroom feels pretty boring in comparison. He considers finding out the guy’s name, asking him where he gets his bathroom decorations from.

“Have a good time?” Jonas says, resting the side of his face on the toilet seat. It’s kind of a sad sight.

Isak shrugs. “It was alright. You?”

“What do you think?” Jonas says, pointing to himself.

“You went a little hard.” Isak says lightly, ripping a paper towel off the roll and handing it to his friend.

Jonas starts patting his face with it, limbs still loose from the alcohol. “Yeah. Not sure what happened there.”

They sit in silence for a few moments. Isak doesn’t like seeing Jonas like this. Vulnerable. Unsmiling. It seems like more than just the alcohol. Isak wants to ask, but he’s not even sure how to begin. Jonas usually shares openly when he’s struggling, but he doesn’t elaborate tonight.

“Meet any potential… you know? Girls?” Jonas asks, trying to lighten the mood again.

Isak snorts at his phrasing. “Potential girls?”

“Fuck you, I’m drunk. You know what I mean.”

I… no.” He doesn’t even let himself entertain the thought of telling Jonas about his only interesting interaction of the night. Besides. There would be nothing to tell. He just had a nice chat in the bathroom with a great guy who has a great girlfriend. “Did you?”

Jonas brings his arms to rest on the toilet seat, head lolling on top of them. “Yeah.”

“Really? What happened?”

Jonas gestures to himself again.

“Okay…” Isak squints at him. “Then why’d you get so fucked up?”

Jonas’ face drops slightly, and Isak regrets asking as soon as the words leave his mouth.

“I got like—I don’t know. Just wasn’t pacing myself.”

Isak has some practice with lying. He feels like he can read his best friend pretty well, and this feels like a half-truth, if that. 

But then Jonas groans into the toilet again, and Isak decides to leave it for another day.

-

Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, is what people call it. Isak has to look up the phrase a few days later, after Even Bech Næsheim plagues his day and nighttime hours.

He spends one night watching every Tik Tok the “Balloon Squad” has ever made. Even is in less than a quarter of them, but Isak presses on, cringing through multiple dance challenges and the occasional trickshot montage to smile softly at the ones where Even is present, even for just a second.

If Baader-Meinhof were a real syndrome, something to be diagnosed and heavily researched and fixed with some operation or antibiotics, Isak would be in urgent care at this very moment. But that’s not the case, so Isak sees Even everywhere he looks. 

In passing in the student center, a quick wave in line at KB, a few times as Isak is leaving a lecture hall after class and Even is on his way in. Isak feels a little hysterical with his sudden appearances. How had he never seen Even’s face before? And if he had, why is he only noticing now?

But that’s how the phenomenon works, Isak supposes. You see something, something that catches your attention, and it’s only then that you wake up, that you realize how asleep and unseeing you’d spent your entire life before that moment. 

Isak groans at his own late-night philosophizing. Even Bech Næsheim is no grand wake-up call. He’s just a nice hot guy on campus. And Baader-Meinhof is no life-changing event: the title itself has no fucking meaning or connection to the phenomenon. It’s just frequency illusion with a fancy sounding name.

Isak knows he’s feeling repressed and horny, slightly desperate and maybe even lonely. So when a guy gives him a smile and a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, it’s just about the closest thing to action he’s gotten in six months. No wonder Isak is projecting so much.

-

Isak is hiding in the science center bothering Sana on Tuesday afternoon, when Mahdi finally finds him.

“Seriously?” Mahdi says.

Isak was in the process of stealing as many pens from Sana’s pencil case as he could before she noticed, but the game is ruined when she looks up from her work and glares at him.

He puts all the pens back before she can say anything. “How’d you find me?”

“I asked Sana.”

It’s Isak’s turn to glare at her now. “Traitor.”

Sana just shrugs. “I would’ve kept quiet if you weren’t being so fucking annoying.”

“Sanasol, I’m helping you. If you’d just—”

“Enough with the flirting,” Mahdi huffs. “Isak, are you coming or not?”

Isak sits back in his chair, groaning. He’d already changed into workout clothes, bag ready to go, but he’s feeling lazy. Isn’t the first year of university where you fall out of shape and become a potato?

The rest of the guys might be happy to galavant around and make new friends, but Isak likes the ones he’s got. Even if the role he plays is stifling and barely fits who he’s become over the years, it’s familiar. It’s stable in its constraint.

“Where are you supposed to be going?” Sana asks.

“We signed up for a soccer team, but Isak’s scared to show up. Because he knows I’m better.”

Isak sits up. “Wait th—” Mahdi lifts a hand to cut him off.

“It’s the same team as your brother actually.”

Sana nods with a smile. “That’s right. He was at the house last night looking for fabric paint or something. I guess him and Even want to make t-shirts for the team.”

“Is uh—” Isak coughs. “Even’s on the team too?”

Mahdi shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“I think Yousef is on it. I don’t know.” Sana says flippantly.

Isak is intrigued now. Sana has mentioned him a few times in the past year, always with the air of nonchalance, but Isak knows her pretty well by now. There is a select group of people that Sana will go fond over, and Yousef seems to be one of them.

“Is he now? Well I’d love to meet him. And your brother.”

Sana glares at him. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Isak stands up, trying not to look too eager. “I guess I’ll go. See how it is.”

Mahdi claps. “Fucking finally.”

“See you, Isabel.” Sana says with a grin. He smiles big back, glad she hasn’t seemed to notice that he managed to spirit away two of her highlighters. Isak is sure he’ll receive an inquiring text about it later.

It’s a bit of a walk to the park where they’re meeting up, but it’s a nice afternoon. Isak listens as Mahdi tells him about the weird flirtation he’s having with his new math tutor.

“And then there’s the whole sort of sexy power imbalance, of the tutor and student thing.”

Isak snorts. “Isn’t she a peer tutor, though? She’s only like, two years older than you.”

“Yeah, true. Just let me have this, okay?” Mahdi grumbles.

Isak has to laugh. “Okay, okay. Power imbalance, got it. Is she hot?” Isak thinks the words feel clunky in his mouth, like everyone can see the fakeness of his question, but he feels the need to ask anyway, to keep up appearances.

Mahdi just shrugs. “Yeah, but it’s not really like that. It’s just—when she explains concepts to me, the way her brain works is so…” He brings his hands to his face and groans. “It’s just crazy. And I didn’t think I liked calculus-type stuff, but we can talk about it for hours. I don’t know, man. Do I like her? Or am I just relieved that I have such a good tutor? That class is already so fucking hard.”

They reach the park, and Isak sees a few people stretching in the grass in the distance. “Hm. Maybe you just have a hard-on for math or something.”

“Maybe,” Mahdi says with a laugh. “Maybe.”

Elias and Yousef get up as they come over. Isak recognizes them from the Tik Toks, but he tries to act chill.

Mahdi gives them high-fives when he greets them. “This is my friend Isak, that I told you about.”

He shakes both of their hands, acting like he wasn’t watching their slightly cringy dance challenges for three hours on Monday. “Sorry I haven’t been here. I’ve been uh. Sick.”

He can see Mahdi trying to hold in a laugh behind their backs.

Yousef smiles big. “No problem, man! We’re just glad to get more players.”

Elias is a little less forgiving. “We have a game coming up next week, so I just hope you can mesh with how we play by then.”

Isak is content to nod. “Yeah, of course. I’m good with whatever.” He has no interest in irking two Bakkoush siblings in one day.

The four of them walk towards the bigger group, where about ten people have started warming up. He doesn’t spot Even, sadly, but he puts the thought out of his mind.

Practice is surprisingly good. He meets some pretty chill players, guys and girls. Nobody seems too concerned at his late arrival to the team. Elias acts as both coach and player, but Isak finds that he enjoys his intensity. It shouldn’t surprise him, he realizes, considering how well he and Sana get along now. 

Isak is a bit out of shape, but his skills are there. Once he has a few laps in him, he can keep up in the drills just fine. 

He and Yousef vibe well with each other when Isak ends up on defense with him. Yousef is easygoing, but still competitive, and Isak finds himself wanting to try harder to match him, despite the low stakes of it all. He allows himself to be smug at the fact that he’ll get to report all this to Sana and watch her pretend not to care.

Two hours fly by quickly, and Isak feels lighter than he has in a while by the time he’s done. Endorphins from exercise are apparently not a complete sham.

Mahdi nudges him as they start packing up on the sidelines. “So was I right? Or was I right?”

“Yes, Mahdi, you were right. I had fun.” He’s about to brag about that play he and Yousef pulled off, but he spots Even strutting across the field, towards their group.

“Oh guys, this is Even. He’s helping us out with the t-shirts and other stuff, so before everyone leaves, can you give Even your size? Then we can wear them for the game next week.” Elias yells over the group. “And check our Facebook group, because I’m putting up a poll for what should go on the shirts.”

Everyone mumbles in agreement, and Isak finds himself in the back of the line to Even. He attempts to smell himself before he reaches him, after sweating for two hours, but he stops when Mahdi gives him a look.

Even is grinning when Isak greets him. The rest of the team has wandered off, leaving just Yousef, Elias and Mahdi milling around. “Isak’s Isak! You came to practice. How was it?”

“Good, good. Yeah.” 

“It looked like you were playing well, from the little I saw.”

“Oh?” Isak tries not to perk up too much at the thought of Even admiring him “Good teammates. Are you—not a player then?”

“Not really,” Even shrugs. “But I volunteered to be the manager. Hence the t-shirt making.”

“Does an intramural soccer team really need a manager?” Isak asks.

“Well, maybe not. But this one is special.” 

“Is it?” Isak tries not to gulp at the way Even is looking at him. It feels intense. “Why’s it special?”

“Because it has a manager.” The other guys are packing up the rest of the equipment, laughing as they go. The sound pulls Even’s eyes away from Isak, and the moment, if it ever started to begin with, is over.

Isak huffs out a laugh. “Sound logic.” He steps away, aware once again that they aren’t alone.

“Are you guys headed towards campus?” Mahdi asks the other three. Yousef nods and they begin to head back.

Isak pulls out his phone as they go, grinning as he sees a few notifications.

 **Sana Banana** (16:52): 

_You think you’re funny._

_Did you take my silver sharpie too? Wow_

**Isak** (17:48):

_New phone who dis_

“Texting your special lady friend?” Mahdi says, laughing as he looks over his shoulder.

Isak glares at him as soon as he says it. If there’s one group of people he has no interest in learning about the dumb joke that’s not a joke that Magnus started last year, it’s these three guys.

But they turn to him anyways, the pace of the walk slowing slightly. Mahdi seems to realize his mistake, wincing at Isak and mouthing “sorry”.

“What’s this?” Yousef asks. He smiles at Isak, curious, but his eyes flick to Even, like he’s expecting him to answer instead. Even is watching Isak still, face giving away nothing.

“I, uh…” Isak doesn’t know what the fuck to say. He puts his phone back in his bag, hoping Mahdi will save this, but he just keeps walking like this isn’t his fault. “Nothing. Just. A friend.” 

He knows his face is red, but not for the reason they think. There’s no crush to be found here, no secret love affair. Just an emotionally constipated Isak and an emotionally constipated Sana. 

He knows his face is red, but not for the reason they think. There’s no crush to be found here, no secret love affair. Just an emotionally constipated Isak and an emotionally constipated Sana. 

Luckily Mahdi keeps the conversation moving along to other things. Even looks at Isak for another moment, but he’s well-versed at smiling blandly and pretending like nothing is the matter. He’s not quite sure Even buys it though. 

Isak and Sana formed a bond over the course of last year, somehow both recognizing the discomfort they wear each day at constantly being misrecognized, at feeling the need to act inauthentically, for one reason or another.

He knows him and Sana have been attached at the hip recently, but Isak supposes that’s partly due to their almost identical schedule this semester, and partly due to their unspoken agreement that they can sit with each other and bitch about nothing in particular, never having to offer up an explanation to the other about where the frustration really comes from.

The moments where they get personal are few and far between, but one time in particular sticks out to Isak. They had been stressed at the end of last year, spending most of their studying time snapping at each other about who had a better grasp on the curriculum. Sana had stared at her phone for a long time, Vilde blowing it up with texts.

“Vilde told me something interesting,” she had started.

“And what was that?”

“She thinks you’re in love with me.” Sana had stared at him with a blank face, waiting for an answer.

“We both know that’s not true.”

“Then why does she think it?”

He’d been fed up, and his friendship with Sana felt like lower stakes compared to everything else. “I’m gay.” It was only the second time he’d said the words aloud to another person.

Sana had offered him a soft smile. “Okay, and what does that have to do with me?”

“Magnus thinks the reason I don’t get with girls anymore is because I’m waiting for you. I haven’t exactly…denied it too harshly.”

“Wow.”

“Sorry, it’s just…” He hadn’t had a good explanation, but Sana put her hand up.

“It’s okay. Just as long as they know I’m way out of your league.”

Isak had laughed in relief. “We all know that. I’m gonna tell them. I just—it’s a lot.”

Sana had shrugged. Said “Take your time,” and went back to judging Isak on his choice of pen color in his review notes.

So the inner workings of their combative friendship can’t be explained to his friends, old or new, without getting into the logistics of why he feels so disconnected. And he’s just not there yet. The worst part is, his embarrassment will make its way back to Magnus, and therefore to Jonas and maybe even Vilde, just fueling the conspiracy theory. 

He keeps his traitorous phone in his bag until he reaches the safety of his apartment.

 **Isak** (18:03): 

_Met your little friend. I approve_

**Sana Banana** (18:05): 

_I hope you know you’ve just started a war_

**Isak** (18:05): 

_With what? The pens or the Yousef_

**Sana Banana** (18:06): 

_The pens, obviously. There’s no “the Yousef”_

**Isak** (18:07): 

_Okay_

**Sana Banana** (18:07): 

_I’m serious_

**Isak** (18:08): 

_Okay_ 😊

 **Sana Banana** (18:08):

_Isak_

**Isak** (18:08): 

😎

 **Sana Banana** (18:10): 

_A war, Valtersen. A war_

-

“Do you want to have a pregame next weekend?” Jonas asks him during lunch on Thursday.

“Yeah, we could do that. Any party in particular we’re pregaming for?”

Jonas shrugs. It’s just the two of them today, weather nice enough that they’re parked at a table outside, pretending to do homework. “Not really, but I thought if we host it, we can control the guest list. Keep it lowkey if we want.”

Isak nods, considering this. “We haven’t really done anything at our place yet, so. That’d be good. We have to check with Linn though.”

“Think she’ll be up for it?”

“She’s always been alright with having something every once and awhile.”

“Good,” Jonas nods. “Maybe you should ask her though. I don’t want to step on her toes or anything.”

Isak snorts at that. “Fine. I’ll ask her. But you should hang out with her more. She’s pretty funny.”

“Yeah,” Jonas sighs. “I should do that.”

“So who did you want to invite? Or not invite?”

“I just mean, we could have all our friends from high school, or… I don’t fucking know.” Jonas rolls his eyes like it doesn’t matter all of a sudden.

“I thought you were the one who wanted branch out. Do more than just the four of us drink.” Jonas had been adamant over the summer that the four of them would expand their social horizons. Jonas had been a little overzealous with the whole thing, the party last weekend being the first thing he and Isak went to together since they started classes. 

Isak hasn’t minded the break, spending quite a few nights pregaming with Sana, Vilde and Mahdi (a surprisingly fun combination, he’s learned); Eva too if she’s in the mood to go to a university party. 

Isak is still kicking himself slightly at attending the same school as a lot of his high school classmates. He’d had the overplayed notion in his head that he would arrive at university ready to be himself, out and proud. 

It’s a little hard to reinvent yourself right in front of the people who have watched you grow up. A part of him wonders if Jonas feels the same way, the urge to grow into someone different, but here they all are: exactly the same, only a little older and a little more tired.

“I do, but we haven’t done that in awhile. It could be fun. Besides, it doesn’t just have to be the four of us.”

“Okay, so who else? Linn would like it if Eskild came. Noora, too.” Isak asks. Jonas doesn’t respond, but Isak thinks he knows. “I could text Eva?”

“Yeah sure. If you want.” Jonas says, keeping his eyes on his computer. 

“Jonas.” Isak gives him a little wave, but he stays focused on his screen. “If you want to invite Eva somewhere, you can invite Eva somewhere.”

Jonas sighs. “It’s not that simple.”

Isak wants to shake him, say, “It is, actually,” but he knows better than anyone: sometimes you can’t push your friends too hard. “Well. I think we’re hanging out on Sunday. You could join?”

“I’ll be busy with my essay, so. Probably not.”

Isak knows for a fact that the essay isn’t due for another week and a half, meaning Jonas won’t start it until next Thursday at the earliest. “Fine, okay. I’ll ask her, then.”

“If you want.” Jonas still doesn’t look up, but his lips form a small smile, one that Isak can’t help but match.

He returns to his computer, where another one of Even’s film reviews for the school newspaper awaits.

-

Saturday morning finds Isak attempting to go for a run. He means to go first thing, but it ends up being about 10:30 by the time he leaves the apartment. Jonas and Linn are still in their rooms, so by their standards he feels quite productive.

He makes it through his run in essentially one piece, but he knows it’s not pretty. Now that he’s committed to the soccer team however, he wants to put in some amount of effort. Even watched their entire practice on Friday afternoon, and Isak, maybe slightly delusional, felt like every time he looked to the sidelines, Even’s eyes were already on him. So maybe that’s a motivating factor in his run today. Just maybe.

Isak slows to a walk by the end, choosing to sit in the square a block from his building for a few minutes before heading inside. He’s lounging on a bench, eyes closed and baking just a little in the sun.

He’s visiting his mom this afternoon, dreading it slightly with the knowledge that his dad is coming over too. She’d asked Isak if he’d like to do dinner, but he’d hesitated once she mentioned his dad. She’d then changed it to an afternoon tea, as if that would somehow ease the tension. But Isak had agreed once she’d gotten excited about baking scones, not wanting to shoot her down twice.

He’s been preparing his answers for whatever probing questions might come his way today, even trying to come up with some funny anecdotes from his classes to fill the inevitable awkward silences, but Isak knows himself. 

He’ll still cringe at every terse comment from his father, still hold his tongue when his mother asks him if he’s dating anyone nice. He’ll grin and bare it, because if he said what he really thought to his dad he might be out of money, and if he told his mom the type of person he’d like to be with—Isak doesn’t want to think about that. He knows himself too well, and he’s tired of it.

He hears Even before he sees him. “Isak’s Isak. How are you?”

Isak opens an eye to see Even struggling slightly with two giant cardboard boxes in hand. “Tired.”

“Good run?” Even rests the boxes on the bench next to Isak, smiling down at him. It’s even brighter than the sun.

Isak shakes his head. “I don’t think such a thing exists.”

“True. But you did it anyways! I’m not much of a runner myself.” 

Isak can’t help but look him up and down. “I bet you could be, though. You kind of have the body for it.” The words leave his mouth before they can be stopped by the rational part of his brain. “You know, long legs for cross country. Or something.”

“Maybe I’ll join you sometime, then.” Even says. He sits down on the bench, boxes in between them.

“What do you have there?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” Even opens up the top one, to reveal something that looks like a giant waffle maker. “A t-shirt press.”

“Oh, for the team. Nice.”

“Got it on Craigslist. It was pretty cheap compared to what they usually are.” Even looks so proud. “I’ve always wanted one.”

“Have you decided on a design yet?” Isak hadn’t been planning on participating in the poll, until he realized that some of the options were drawings by Even’s own hand.

“Well.” Even rolls his eyes. “The most voted was the little university logo on the chest. Not very fun.”

“I saw that.” Isak was in the minority, voting for Even’s design, where he had drawn everyone as little cartoons, each in their positions on the field. “Sheeple.”

“Right? Elias keeps telling me to just stick to the basics, but I want to make you guys look cool.”

“Well,” Isak gestures to the box. “You’re the one making them. You should do the one you want.”

“That’s true. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Even is smiling again, and Isak gives himself a little pat on the back for making it happen. “I saw you voted for the cartoon. Do you think I should do that?”

“I do.”

“Then I guess I have a design.” Even yawns, and Isak worries that he’s keeping him.

“Sorry, you probably have stuff to do.”

Even looks over to him. “Not really. Just had a late night.”

Isak doesn’t really want to know what that means, but he notices Even’s face is a little drawn. It hurts his heart. “Same, honestly.”

“Did you go out?”

Isak snorts. He thinks about lying for a second, creating some narrative that he has more than a handful of friends and a very healthy social life, but the run left him drained. He’s in no mood to put on a face right now. “No. I was working on stuff for school, and by the time I finished I just wanted to sit in bed and watch TV.”

“That’s the dream.” Even says with a laugh. “Are you taking a lot of tough classes?”

“It’s a variation,” Isak shrugs. “I was doing neuro last night though, which isn’t so bad. I just got caught up in a Wikipedia rabbit hole. Pretty interesting stuff.”

“Who do you have for neuroscience?”

“Johanssen, why?”

Even groans. “Damn, I have Martin.”

“I didn’t know you took neuro.”

“Yeah. I’m regretting it,” Even laughs. “It’s kind of kicking my ass. I think I saw you at that first peer review session.”

“Really?” Isak is surprised. There were only about twenty people there, with the semester just starting and most people having fulfilling personal lives outside of school or something.

“Yep. I haven’t gone back though, it’s just made me more confused.”

He shakes his head, mind trying to wrap another instance where he’d missed Even before they met. “You ever heard of Baader-Meinhof?” Isak blurts. A part of him worries Even is just a figment of his imagination, popping up when Isak is stressed to smile at him and soothe his soul.

“Is that a neuroscience term I should know?”

“No, it’s—nevermind. Just a concept I’ve been thinking about. But we probably have the same syllabus for neuro, right? We could study together.” Isak is not quite sure why he offers, given that the more time he spends with Even the more he likes him, the more he realizes how unattainable he is.

“I think studying together will end in you reteaching me every lecture so far.”

“Not necessarily.”

“What did you get on the first quiz last week?”

Isak shrugs. “I don’t really like to talk about grades.” At least, not with people who aren’t Sana these days.

“Bullshit,” Even laughs, leaning over the boxes to point at Isak, “You aced it, didn’t you?”

He feels his face getting red. “That stuff just makes sense to me.”

“Well. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Why are you taking it?”

“I just wanted to know more about how my brain works, that type of stuff. I have bipolar disorder, so I thought I’d like to see what’s going on up there. But it’s way more technical than I thought.”

“Ah.” Isak nods once as he considers this. Even gives him an expectant smile, and Isak is painfully aware at how bad he is at reacting to people telling him serious or personal things. “That makes sense. Wanting to understand your body better. But let me know if you need help with the class. Or just. A study partner.”

“I absolutely will. Thank you,” Even says, arms resting on the top of the boxes. Isak looks out at the square, and Even turns to do the same. Isak sneaks a look over to Even to see him with a tiny contented smile on his face. He nods to himself, hoping he isn’t being completely robotic throughout this whole interaction.

“Did you want some help? Carrying those?” He’d told himself he’d act cordial with Even, keep him at a distance but not to the point of being rude. Offering to accompany Even to a second location is definitely a little more than cordial, but Even looks tired from his walk, and Isak can’t have that.

“Would you? We’re just a few blocks from my house.”

He takes the t-shirt press and gives Isak the box with the blank t-shirts. They walk in a comfortable silence, Isak still slightly out of breath from his run, and Even struggling with the weight of his own box.

“We could switch if you want?” Isak asks when Even has to put the box down for the third time.

Even blushes. “I got it. Sorry.” He huffs as he lifts box up again, but Isak keeps his smile to himself and lets it go.

Even leads them to a house on the other side of campus. It’s not nearly as run-down as Magnus had led them to believe, but it’s certainly clear that 6 university-age guys live here.

The front hall is a mess, and Isak snorts when he spots Magnus’ ugly neon jacket that he insists on wearing for nights out. He says it’s a great conversation starter.

“Cool place,” Isak says. “You guys are renting?”

Even nods as he gestures for Isak to follow him up the stairs. “Adam knew one of the guys who lived here last year, and when they all graduated we wanted to get in on it.”

Isak tries to slow his heartbeat as Even opens up a door that seems to be his room. 

He looks around the bedroom, trying to determine which posters he recognizes and which he needs to Google later. Not to impress Even or anything, just because his research has shown that Even has pretty good taste. The room reads very much like Even’s personality, the little of it Isak has gotten to see so far. He goes fond when he recognizes the work of Even’s own hand on the wall as well, some little doodles as well as more fleshed out scenes. There’s a page of dialogue that looks like a screenplay taped on, and Isak considers climbing over Even’s bed to get a closer look. 

“It’s pretty nice. Everyone has their own room?”

The bed is a whole other thing. It’s made, which makes Isak self-conscious as he pictures the state his own is in. There are some clothes and textbooks resting all over it though, which Isak can relate to. His thoughts darken briefly, as he considers the fact that maybe Sonja made the bed, but he shuts that down real fast. Friends (or acquaintances, more accurately) don’t think about other friends’ bed activities. And that’s all he and Even will be.

“Yep,” Even drops the box onto his bed and Isak follows suit. “It’s been student housing forever, so there are six bedrooms and only like – two full bathrooms. Makes mornings a little rough.”

“I could see that. Seems like it might take you awhile to get your hair…” he runs his fingers through his own hair, which he’s let grow out a little, “all like that?”

Even scoffs, laughing. “Excuse me, I’m not half as bad as my housemates. I can do this in my sleep.”

“Right, sure.” Isak nods sarcastically.

“Seriously. Mikael and Mutta are so much worse than me. I’m the perfect housemate in comparison.”

“I’ll believe you.” Isak concedes.

“Good.”

They stand there for a moment. Isak knows his work here is done, and Even probably needs to focus, but he can’t quite bring himself to say it.

“Do you want to see how I’ll do it?” Even asks as he hefts the machine out of its box and onto the floor.

Isak shrugs. Now that they’re alone in Even’s room, he’s much more aware of how sweaty he is, his knees slightly dirty from tripping over a root on the trail through the park. “Sure.” He may be a mess, but he has no interest in denying Even anything, not with how pleased he looks as he sets up his t-shirt designing station.

“So.” Even hands him a stack of glossy papers, the university logo printed onto all of them. “I have these ready to be transferred onto the shirts, but I still really want to do the cartoon as well. Think Elias will kill me?” He brings up his drawing on his laptop, turning it towards Isak.

“Not sure,” Isak says with a laugh, maneuvering through the various papers and piles of clothing to sit cross-legged on the floor, facing Even. “I mean, you don’t want to make everyone upset.”

“This is true,” Even nods, dejected.

“But. Okay.” Isak takes another look at the image, where Even has zoomed in on the caricature of his face. There’s no way he’s not getting his likeness immortalized on this t-shirt. “How about on the front you do the boring logo, but then on the back do this one? That could look good.”

Even laughs. “I like that. Business in the front, party in the back?”

“Exactly.”

“Finessing the system. I like the way you think, Isak.”

Isak doesn’t give himself praise that often, but he lets himself preen when Even returns to his computer with a smile on his face. “Thought I was Isak’s Isak now.”

“Shit. You know I’m really going to make everyone call you that.”

“Please don’t,” Isak groans.

Even looks up again, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t mind when I call you that, though, do you?”

Isak shrugs. “Nah. It’s funny. No one else though.” He doesn’t think about how intimate that sounds, that only Even can give him a nickname.

But Even’s face lights up again and Isak doesn’t let himself dwell on it. Even scoots just slightly closer with his laptop to show Isak the details he’s adding.

“You should put yourself in it too,” Isak says, pointing at the design.

“I’m not on the team though.”

“Yeah, but you’re the manager.”

“Right. The most important part of every intramural team,” Even jokes with a self-deprecating grin.

“Exactly,” Isak laughs. “You can be on the sidelines. Cheering us on or something.”

“Think so?”

“I do,” Isak nods firmly. Even returns the gesture with a nod of his own, and that’s that.

-

It’s early afternoon by the time Even is happy with the design. Isak had been helping him on and off. He was content to wander around Even’s room, flipping through well-worn books and adding input when Even asked.

Even had spent most of the time with his eyes on his tablet, where he’d taken adding details and futzing around with the coloring, but he’d kept Isak engaged in conversation almost the entire time.

“Am I distracting you?” Isak had asked at one point, when Even cursed as he accidentally erased something.

“Hm? No. I would’ve kicked you out awhile ago if that was the case.” Even had looked up for just a moment to give him a little grin, and Isak decided to take him at his word. If Even wanted him to stay, then stay he would.

“Alright.” Even announces. Isak looks up from the film textbook he’s been reading on Even’s bed, where he’s been paying closer attention to the doodles in the margins.

“Happy with it?”

Even grins. “I think so.” He picks up his phone. “Wow. Didn’t realize how late it was. Are you hungry?”

Isak pulls out his own, groaning when he realizes he has about an hour and a half before he has to leave for tea. He had put off eating anything, a fullness deep in his stomach just from banter with Even for the past two hours. “I should get going. Still have to shower.”

“Ah.” Isak thinks Even looks slightly disappointed, but he can’t trust himself. “Hot date?” Even asks in a sardonic tone.

Does he play it coy? See if he can make Even jealous? Isak almost laughs at himself. This whole day he has felt more himself than he’s been in most casual interactions in the past year. Even though the pull Isak feels is likely one-sided, that doesn’t mean he’s going to deny himself the opportunity to act authentically. “God, no. Gotta go see my parents for tea.”

“Oh. Is that stressful?”

Isak shrugs, hoping to play it off as a bit of a joke. “Not as debilitating as it was two years ago, but still pretty damn unpleasant.”

Even winces. “Sorry to hear that.”

“No, it’s—” Isak doesn’t want to say fine. He’d used that word so much in high school, it made him sick to his stomach how much shit he hid, all behind the word “fine”. “We all have our shit, right?”

“You’re not wrong,” Even responds. “I hope this,” he gestures to the scene around them, “wasn’t making it worse?”

Isak snorts. “Nah, the opposite, actually. It was fun. I just hope I actually helped.”

“You really did,” Even grins, “I’ll add your name to my little signature in the corner, that’s how much you helped.”

“I’m just excited to wear them. They’re gonna look dope.”

“Well,” Even stands, and Isak follows. “I hope tea isn’t terrible.”

“Me too.”

Even takes a step towards the door, but turns back to Isak. “Are you going out tonight though, after?”

“I think so, you?”

“Yeah,” Even nods. “Magnus wants us all to go to some girl’s party.”

“Ah,” Isak knows the one. Magnus had flooded the groupchat with requests for Jonas and Isak to join him and Mahdi, and apparently his housemates. 

Isak knew Magnus was slightly hurt by Jonas’ hesitance for the four of them to stay a little unit, though he’d never say it out loud. Isak is glad to know that Magnus has found friends in his roommates as well. “Think I’ll be there too.”

“Great! I can walk you out.” Isak is reluctant to leave the calming effect that Even’s room seems to have, but life continues around them. They trudge down the steps of the house, which still seems to be empty.

“Where is everyone?” Isak asks as they reach the front door.

“They’re ‘creating content’, as Elias calls it,” Even responds with an eyeroll.

“You didn’t join in?”

“I was thinking about it, but I told them if I was on a roll with my own stuff that they should just do it without me.” Even opens the front door and both of them move outside, but they stay facing each other. Isak really doesn’t want to leave just yet, and the feeling seems mutual. “Mutta has been dying to do a whole parkour thing on Tik Tok, so. I didn’t need to be there for that.”

“Tik Tok, right,” Isak smirks, letting a small inkling of hope blossom at the fact that Even may have blown off his friends to chill with him instead. “So you’re all e-boys, then?”

“Take that back,” Even glares at him. “I hate that you just said that.”

Isak cracks up. “You’re not denying it.”

“Oh my god, if the vibe I’m putting out is e-boy, then I must be doing everything wrong.” He shakes his head. “Mikael on the other hand…”

“Fine,” Isak concedes. “You’re e-boy adjacent, then.”

“Not good enough. I’m an aspiring filmmaker, thank you very much.”

“So…” Isak takes a step down the walkway. “Pretentious film student? That’s what you’re going for?”

Even starts laughing. “Isak with the digs today, Jesus.”

Isak takes another step towards the street while still facing Even, unwilling to end the conversation. “Hey, maybe if I saw one of your movies I’d get a better read. See if you’re overrated or not.”

Even leans on the door framing, face still lit up with laughter. “Then I’ll send you one! You’ll see. I’m very much rated.”

“Not underrated?”

Even sighs overdramatically. “I don’t have that big of an ego.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” There’s a bit of distance between them now, Isak already past the little gate in front of their house. “Alright. I really should go.”

“See you tonight?” Even asks.

“You will. Send me that movie, though.”

“I’m about to.”

Isak turns away. It feels a little bit like pulling a sword from a stone, damn near impossible to turn his back on Even when he’s grinning like that, head resting on the door as he sends Isak off.

He gets a few houses down the street when he sees Sonja approaching, a grim look on her face. They make eye contact, and she returns his small smile with a hesitant one of her own as she marches past him, presumably in the direction of the house he just left.

Isak supposes she probably doesn’t remember him so well. It was only a brief interaction after all, and it would make sense that he wouldn’t have nearly as much of an impact on her life as she did on his.

So he’s admitting it now, like the thought hasn’t been bouncing around in his head for the past week and a half: he likes Even. It’s both exhilarating and soul-crushing at the same time.

Isak’s realizations about his sexuality had been largely theoretical in his adolescence. The fantasizing about his strapping young soccer coach in grade 9, the ever-increasing appearance of Jonas in his dreams of what the perfect date looked like. It had been hard for Isak to direct his romantic feelings towards someone attainable. 

Maybe there was some safety in liking those he knew could never like him back, whether it be because of their own sexuality, or the fact that they were a world famous actor half a world away.

Isak has wondered if it’s weird, the fact that he hasn’t seriously liked anyone in so long. It’s not that he hasn’t been attracted to guys, he certainly enjoyed the handful of times Eskild dragged him out to bars to find someone to hook up with last year. 

But to like someone, to connect with them emotionally, to have the urge to dig deeper into who they are, to dream about feeling their hands on him in the most tender of ways, that hasn’t hit Isak in a long time.

It’s a nice feeling. He sits with this crush, kindles it as he walks home slower than he should, given the time. It had been freeing, to sit with a boy that he doesn’t have to call “bro” and just be. Get asked his opinions and give answers that he could stand by, not waiting to hear Even’s opinions and changing his own to match or fit into some arbitrary mold.

They’d disagreed on dumb shit, like the best Marvel movie and which restaurant near campus has the best drunk food, but Isak hadn’t worried that his every deviance in thought from Even would lead to an interrogation about what other deviant behavior Isak engages in.

He shakes himself as he heads into his building. He doesn’t even view his sexuality as much of a burden, not anymore. Isak knows, and he tells himself everyday, that the mental gymnastics he does to stay in the closet, to stay exactly the same as the world has known him to be, are unnecessary. 

There’s still the fact that only two people in his life know, but he’s not trying to examine all of that right now, as much as Eskild would like him to.

Late at night, Isak goes around in circles in his own head. If he’s so comfortable with who he is, with calling himself gay in the comfort of his own room, why the hell can’t he say it out loud? 

He’d spent his time in the kollektiv practically begging Eskild to ask him about it, but Eskild, the wise guru, had waited until Isak came to him one night, so angry at himself for still getting with some random girl at Magnus’ birthday, almost following through with it all, despite knowing how much he didn’t want it. It hadn’t been a pretty moment, Isak drunk and ashamed, Eskild understanding yet hurt by some of Isak’s claims about his sexuality.

But in the morning Eskild hadn’t thrown him out, and Isak had to remind himself that sometimes, the good ones stay, even if you don’t deserve them.

Isak is surprised when he walks into the apartment to see Jonas and Linn on the couch, a bowl of chips in between them. The two of them haven’t bonded so much yet, and seeing his worlds collide puts a fond smile on his face.

“Where’ve you been?” Jonas asks, both him and Linn laughing at something on the screen.

“Had to do some stuff for the soccer team.” Isak mumbles. He berates himself. Hanging out with Even is no crime, and Jonas wouldn’t ever see it as such. But he lies all the same.

“You’re into that now?” Jonas raises his eyebrows, only pulling his eyes from the screen once to give Isak a judgmental look.

“I guess,” Isak shrugs. “It’s been fun.”

“Good for you.” Jonas says sarcastically.

Isak looks to Linn for guidance, feeling like he walked into an argument he didn’t know he had started. She just looks like a deer in the headlights, eyes darting to her door with the clear urge to escape the tension that just entered the room.

“I think so.” Isak responds as if the comment was benign. He doesn’t quite know what’s going on here, but he doesn’t really have the patience to wait around for Jonas to spit it out. “You could still join if you want? It’s pretty chill.”

“No thanks.” Jonas bites back.

Isak sighs as Linn turns the volume up on the TV. “Well. I have to take a shower.”

Jonas keeps his eyes on the screen. “Have somewhere to be? Eva’s or Sana’s?”

Isak pauses. “Um. No. Would that be so weird though? They’re our friends.”

“Not weird, just,” Jonas sighs. “It’s just funny that you’re hanging out more with them. You never even seemed to like them that much in high school.”

“That’s not really true,” Isak laughs awkwardly, “I just didn’t like much of anything in high school. I'm just seeing my parents, then Magnus’ thing. You’re coming, right?”

Jonas looks up at the mention of his parents, eyes not so hard anymore. “Tell your mom I say hi?”

“She’ll like that.” Isak still doesn’t understand the attitude, but he’s really running late now. “Tonight?”

“I guess.” Jonas shrugs.

“Linn? Wanna come?” Isak looks to her, already knowing her answer. Eskild had made him promise, when he’d moved in with Mo, and Isak had asked Linn to join him and Jonas at their new place, that Isak would always include Linn. Her answer might always be no, but on the off-chance she wants to join, Eskild, and now Isak, will always have a place for her.

“Course not. I still have ten more episodes, and that’s just this season.”

“Would you consider waiting for me before you keep going?” Jonas asks with a wince.

Linn gives him a long look. “I’ll consider it.”

“What are you guys watching?”

“Love Island.” Jonas grunts out.

“Ha.” Isak walks around to the side of the couch to see the image of the villa he’s seen on Eva’s computer screen many times before. “You’re actually watching it?”

“Fuck off,” Jonas says, letting out a laugh that fills Isak with some momentary relief. “We’re hate-watching.”

Linn shrugs. “Hate-watching is still technically watching.”

“It’s different though,” Jonas scoffs.

Another day, and Isak might push him on it, might rag on his friend for tuning into a show that he’d given Eva quite a bit of shit for watching last year, but not today.

Jonas seems drained, and Isak feels the same, too much stress emerging from too many different points of origin. Isak retreats to the shower, letting himself breathe. 

Things are not great. In fact, some things are quite bad. But Isak ignores all that as the water streams down his face, and instead replays that moment when Even watched him walk away, head still tilted onto the doorframe until Isak was all the way out of view. 

Nevermind whatever came after between him and Sonja, between Isak and the world: in that moment their faces with lined with laughter, pleased with the day’s work, and that is what Isak will hold onto.

-

Magnus and Mahdi are on something else as the four of them trek to this party. Magnus calls it life, but Mahdi wiggles a little bottle in front of Isak’s face.

“Poppers, seriously?” Isak laughs.

Jonas groans. “I just wanted to smoke.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Poppers are the new thing now.”

“Really?” Isak asks with a skeptical grin. “Are all the cool kids doing them?”

“We are, at least. You want some?” Mahdi asks as he takes in a big whiff.

“I’m good for now,” Isak sighs. “I feel like they make my hangovers worse.”

“When have you done poppers?” Jonas asks skeptically, the four of them taking up the whole sidewalk.

Isak shrugs. “Just here and there.” With Eskild, mostly, back when he was single and dying to show Isak the ropes of Oslo’s club scenes. Another thing he doesn’t really have to lie about, but the words come out easier than the truth.

Jonas’s eyebrows raise, but he leaves it alone. They seem to have reached a truce for now, Jonas more amenable after his nap and Isak in a surprisingly pleasant mood with the fact that afternoon tea wasn’t a total trainwreck. It was just mind numbing, neither Isak or his parents in the mood to step on anyone’s toes. The real problem remains, however: Isak has no idea why it felt like he and Jonas were fighting in the first place.

He’s brought back to the group with the sound of Magnus whooping after swiping the bottle from Mahdi’s hands.

“See what you’ve done?” Isak looks pointedly at Mahdi as Magnus jumps onto a bike rack and attempts to balance himself on it. “Yo, Mags. Why didn’t you go over with your house? Are they still going?”

“I had to get out of there, man,” Magnus cringes. “Too much—fuck!” He loses his balance and everyone winces when he lands with the bar between his legs. “I’m good. Fuck, that was close. Almost cost my mom her grandchildren right there.”

“Your mind, Mags…” Jonas mutters, smirking.

Magnus takes off again, and Isak picks up the pace to follow him. He hadn’t heard from Even for the rest of the day, despite his promise to send Isak a movie of his. They’d exchanged numbers at some point this morning, and Isak may have spent half the time at his mom’s staring at his dark phone screen, waiting for a text to come in. “Too much what?”

The brief hit of the poppers has seemed to wear off, and Magnus gives his head a shake. “I see what you mean about the headache. That one was kind of a lot.” He hands the bottle back to Mahdi. Isak is about to ask again, when Magnus continues as they pause at a stoplight. “Too much tension. Even and his girlfriend. They’re so loud. It went on all night last night! I’m a full floor and hall away, and I could still hear them. And it was even worse this afternoon.”

Isak feels sick to his stomach while Mahdi starts cracking up. “God, that guy must have some stamina.”

The light changes, and the four of them keep walking, Isak just behind them this time, ready to duck his head into a treewell and pour out his heart and his stomach.

Magnus tilts his head at Mahdi, confused. “Oh, you thought I meant sex?” Magnus is the one laughing now. “No, arguing! Just arguing. At least, that’s what me and Adam thought it was?”

For some reason, the thought of Even in so much turmoil makes Isak feel even worse. If it was sex, Isak would be content knowing that at least one of them was having a good time.

Magnus shrugs, and keeps talking. “Either way, it kept us all up, and then Elias was kind of mad about it, and Mik was trying to tell him not to say anything, and Mutta came in all hot because someone finished his cereal, but how was I supposed to know it was his cereal? He’d left it out on the counter with a big ‘M’ on it. But there are three of us with ‘M’ names, so I thought maybe I just forgot buying it.”

Mahdi shakes his head. “So is Mutta mad at you?”

“Nah, he was super chill once I apologized. But then Even came in and things got weird again.” Magnus shivers. “So that’s why I’ve been annoying Mahdi all afternoon.”

Jonas snorts. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t see your text about coming over until tonight.” He grimaces at Isak as he says, subtly shaking his head to indicate that he absolutely saw the text when it came in. Isak nods back. Most days he would do the same.

They reach the house, the pounding of the bass making it very clear that this is their destination.

Isak stays in the back as they file through the door. It’s not uncomfortably crowded, which he’s grateful for, but there’s still enough people to clog up the hall as they push their way through.

They agree to do a round, greeting some familiar faces as they make their way through the house. Mahdi and Jonas drop off to talk with friends from their classes, but Isak sticks with Magnus, keeping an eye out for a certain blonde head of hair towering above the rest.

Magnus waves to Adam and Mikael near the back of the house. Isak follows him over, having met them both on Thursday afternoon while chilling with Magnus in the student center.

“Isak, how you been?” Mikael greets after Magnus has released him from his hug.

“Good, good. You?” Isak’s focus remains on the party around them, still looking for Even, but he tries to engage.

“Great! We got some good filming in today.”

“Oh yeah, I heard. Tik Toks, right?” Isak answers, not fully paying attention.

“Yeah,” Magnus says, the three of them looking at him now. “How’d you know?”

Isak pauses. “You told me on the way over here.”

“Did I?” Magnus asks, looking like he’s attempting to recall the memory.

“Yeah. Wow, maybe you should slow down, man.” The words feel slightly vile in his mouth. Isak’s not quite sure when white lies came more natural to him than the truth, especially when he’s not even sure what he’s trying to hide.

“Hey Mik,” Adam interjects, “Is Ev still coming?”

Mikael shakes his head, looking grim. “He said he might, but he was looking really rough.”

“Is he okay?” Magnus asks, concerned now.

“Eh,” Mikael shrugs. “Seems like him and Sonja are really done this time.”

“Wow. That’s rough,” Magnus responds. Isak nods his head in agreement, just trying to follow along with all the information he’s getting.

Adam doesn’t look so sympathetic. “Sorry, but didn’t we think that the last two times?”

“That’s true,” Mik says.

“Are they… pretty back and forth?” Isak asks, aiming for concerned yet nonchalant.

“You have no idea,” Adam stage whispers.

Mikael nods reluctantly. “I don’t know, they’ll stay steady for a few months, and then they get tired of each other.”

“And we’re the ones who have to hear it all go down.” Adam groans.

“Adam—” Mikael gives him a light shove. “It’s not that bad. But they seem like one of those couples that will keep saying it’s over, all the way through marriage and three kids.”

Magnus cackles. “That’ll make for an entertaining wedding.”

Isak nods. This is what he needed to hear, he tells himself. This is good. The lines are drawn in the sand, have been since before he met Even: the guy is taken, no matter how messy the relationship. It’s up to Isak now to play it smart, not cross any boundaries. They can be friends. Isak has been looking for more, so this is good. It’s good. _It’s good._

And someday, he thinks, a voice sounding much like Eskild in his head, Isak will find someone for himself, someone that will actually like him back. And maybe by that point, Isak will have found the strength within himself to come out. But he saves all that for another day, and carries on the conversation with the guys around him.

Isak stays relatively in one place for most of the night, nursing a beer and fading in and out of the conversations around him. He’s happy to see Sana and ends up talking with her for quite awhile, the two of them casually judging some of the antics going on around them. 

Vilde appears to drag Sana away to some emergency in the bathroom, only giving Isak a brief hug before she starts running away.

“I should go,” Sana says, laughing at the retreating whirlwind that is Vilde.

“Go get started on your secret bathroom cult meeting,” Isak jokes.

“You know me too well,” she giggles. “You good here, though?”

Isak’s smile fades. Does he look that despondent? It’s very rare that he or Sana will call each other out on their issues without them reaching the point of almost full isolation first. “I’m always good, Sanasol.”

She gives him a prying look before stepping away. “If you say so.”

Things aren’t so good once she’s gone, though. Judging people’s dancing isn’t so fun when you have no one to laugh about it with. Mutta and Mahdi are next to him, but he can’t really be bothered to join in on their conversation.

Isak pulls out his phone for something to do, doing a double take when he sees notifications from Even, about thirty minutes ago.

 **Even** (00:32):

_[youtube link]_

_Sorry for the late text! Had to rewatch and make sure it was up to your standards_

_Also you should watch it on a computer for a better experience_

He knows he looks like an idiot, smiling at his phone in the corner of a party, but he can’t help it. Isak looks around, wondering if there’s any reason to stick around. He doesn’t find one.

“Hey,” He turns to the guys, surprised to see Jonas has joined them. “I’m gonna head out.”

Mahdi nods. “You good to get home?”

“We just got here, though,” Jonas slurs. Isak had already started his approach to the door, but he pauses to take a closer look at his friend. He hadn’t been keeping tabs on him, but apparently he should have.

“Maybe you should come with me?” Isak asks, trying to keep the concern off his face.

“No, man. Do another shot with me!” Jonas brings his arm around Isak’s neck.

Mahdi steps in, “How about I do one with you instead?”

“You will?” Jonas lights up. “Mahdi! Miss you, bud.”

Jonas lets go to wander over to another group of people, and Isak and Mahdi stare at each other for a moment. “I can stay with him,” Isak offers.

Mahdi grins. “Nah, you’re tired. You should go.”

“But,” Isak wavers. “We’re going to the same place anyways, I can just get him there.”

“You think?” Mahdi points to where Jonas is now charming a group of girls near the stairs. “You’d have to drag him out. I’m still good here, so we’ll just hang until he’s ready. I’ll keep him occupied until he sobers up.”

“I’ll keep an eye out too,” Mutta interjects, looking happy to help.

“You sure?” Isak will definitely be buying them lunch next week.

“I mean, do you wanna help him flirt with those girls?” Mahdi asks. “Because I’ll take one for the team.”

“I think I can too.” Mutta adds, sarcastically grim.

“Alright boys. You’re good people.” Isak says feeling a little lighter.

“You too,” Mahdi responds as they part with a hug.

“Get home safe, Isak.” Mutta says as Isak gives him a high five. He walks out of the house with a mission in mind.

 **Isak** (01:01):

_Whatever you think my standards are, I’m sure they’re higher_

_Lmao but I’ll give this a chance anyways_

**Even** (01:01):

_I’ll take what I can get_

_Did you end up going out?_

**Isak** (01:02):

_Yeah_

_You?_

**Even** (01:04):

_No. How could I when I had prep my movie to show to the Anton Ego of the film world!_

_Lol but no some annoying stuff came up and then I was just too tired_

Isak ponders his response as he starts walking down the sidewalk the way he came, back towards campus. Part of him considers letting Even know he’s there for him or something. Even if the break up is short-lived, it probably still hurts. 

But they don’t know each other too well. If he says too much and makes Even sad, he’ll never forgive himself. Besides, it seems like maybe he could be a good distraction for Even, at least for tonight. And Isak will take what he can get.

 **Isak** (01:06):

_Anton Ego is one of the greatest and complex characters in the absolute greatest Pixar movie that exists, so I’m taking that as a compliment_

**Even** (01:06):

_Lmao good bc I meant it as one!_

_Can’t believe you think Ratatouille is the best_

**Isak** (01:06):

_Think through your next words very carefully_

**Even** (01:07):

_You text too fast!_

_… as I was trying to say…_

_I’m so glad you do bc I agree_

_It’s so underrated. You need to come speak some sense into the boys. They don’t know what they’re missing._

**Isak** (01:09):

_I’ll do that_

_The world needs to know_

**Even** (01:10):

_Watch my movie first though_

**Isak** (01:11):

_About to when I get home_

_Should I go full movie buff? Connect to my tv and everything_

Isak picks up his pace, barely watching where he steps. His eyes are glued to his phone, heart pounding each time Even responds.

 **Even** (01:11):

_Hard yes_

_Better yet, rent out a theater_

**Isak** (01:12):

_Lmao I’m calling one as we speak_

_IMAX, right?_

**Even** (01:12):

_Obviously. And 3D_

_Actually 4D_

_Like the movies at Disneyworld where they spray water in your face and stuff_

**Isak** (01:14):

_Lol I’ve never been_

**Even** (01:15):

_Well that needs to be rectified_

**Isak** (01:17):

_Eh_

_I’ll go once you have an entire section of the park dedicated to your movies_

**Even** (01:17):

_Oh god. Think my vibe is a little too indie to be turned into a rollercoaster_

_But I’ll make you come with me anyways_

Isak has to take a second to breathe when he sees the message. It’s part of the joke, he knows, but he feels himself break into a giddy smile regardless.

 **Isak** (01:18):

_I’ll be there_

**Even** (01:18):

_Be there or be square, Isak’s Isak_

**Isak** (01:20):

_Okay I’m home._

_Some film student is paying me to give their video some views_

_Oops! Wrong chat_

👀

 **Even** (01:21):

_That’s low. LOW_

_Lmao but also don’t expect too much_

_Mik and me made it for shits last year_

_So_

_I don’t know how I feel about it_

Isak races inside, not stopping to take off his jacket and instead rushing to his room and plopping himself on his bed, where his laptop awaits. The link takes him to the Youtube channel of Art Vandeley. Isak lets out a laugh. Of course Even is a Seinfeld fan.

He starts the video called just titled ‘movie’ that looks to have been posted today. It starts with a backshot of Mikael, walking the streets of Oslo while Even’s voice introduces his character of Vlad. His only friend is his Captain America action figure, which seems to also be voiced by Mikael.

It’s—weird. But also, Isak loves it. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, but Isak finds that there’s still something earnest about the movie. It’s less about plot and more about a character study of “Vlad” as he explores Oslo with his doll, like a twisted buddy-cop comedy.

The toxic friendship between Vlad and Cap is both hilarious and pathetic, but by the end Isak is left with a smile. Mikael is a pretty good actor, even in the cringey moments, and the comedic timing is perfect. 

Isak has only seen a few of Even’s directing chops in minute-long Tik Toks but he thinks he has some ideas about his style. The writing, the cinematography and all the other film terms Isak doesn’t know, are distinctly Even in nature. His personality shines through so brightly, and this stupid little movie leaves Isak breathless.

 **Even** (01:28):

_It’s weird I know_

😷

Isak watches the seven-minute long film again, basking in this sneak peek into Even’s brain. He soaks up every aspect: the weird, artsy, well-written, cliché, whimsical essence of it all. Isak may be biased, but he thinks this film could be studied in schools around the world, could win awards, even just for the deep timbre of Even’s voice as he narrates.

 **Isak** (01:40):

_…_

_………._

**Even** (01:41):

_What does that mean_

_Do I need to learn morse code_

**Isak** (01:41):

_It means wtf_

_That was so good_

_Im about to watch it again_

_Like. Legitimately funny._

**Even** (01:43):

🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼

_Takk_

**Isak** (01:44):

_Send me more?_

**Even** (01:44):

_I wish! That’s the only one we really finished that wasn’t for school_

_Aka the only one I don’t hate and had enough time to make it how I wanted it to be made_

_I think on my computer at my parents I have some that we made when we were like 15_

_But you’re not seeing those_

**Isak** (01:46):

_But I’m a Bech Næsheim superfan now!!_

_Guess you just have to make more movies for me_

**Even** (01:47):

_I gotta get inspired first!_

_Give me ideas ___

__Isak hears a thump in the hall, and walks out to see Mahdi and Jonas entering the apartment._ _

__“Isak!” Jonas whisper-yells. “You’re here!”_ _

__Mahdi cracks up, clearly still drunk as well. He has a hand on Jonas’ arm, but they both seem relatively steady on their feet._ _

__“Thanks for bringing him back,” Isak says as the three of them trudge to Jonas’ room._ _

__“Anytime,” Mahdi, nods. “Alright boys, tonight was fun. See you this week?”_ _

__Jonas is distracted in his attempts to take off his outer layers, so Isak answers for them both. “Yep. And I’ll text the group, we’re thinking about doing a big pregame next weekend.”_ _

__“Nice.” With that, Mahdi heads out, and Isak grabs some water from the kitchen before returning to Jonas’ room, where he’s already under the covers._ _

__“Drink this?” He half-commands._ _

__Jonas takes it and sits up in bed. “Thought you left with Sana.”_ _

__“No,” Isak chuckles, “I told you I was just going home. She’s probably still there, the party animal.”_ _

__“Huh.” Jonas gulps down the rest of his water, and then dives back into his bed. “I know I’m gonna wake up drunk, but I’m too tired to stay up any later.”_ _

__“I feel that.” Isak leans on Jonas’ desk for a few minutes, just staring into the dark of his room. “Jonas? You sleeping?”_ _

__He doesn’t get an answer, so he stands and heads for the door._ _

__“Is?” He turns back to see Jonas looking groggy, leaning up on his elbow. “Are you mad?”_ _

__“Why would I be mad?” Isak asks with a confused laugh._ _

__“You seemed mad earlier, when you left. I thought it was me.”_ _

__“No. Just got tired. Not you.”_ _

“You sure?” Jonas looks uncertain. If Isak were a different person, maybe a better one, and if Jonas were a different friend, this is where he’d say, _You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?_ But Isak has never been good at asking such things, because he’s never been good at answering such things. 

__“I’m sure.”_ _

__“Sorry you had to take care of me. Again.” Jonas says, a small smile on his face now._ _

__“Oh my god, you never have to apologize for that. That’s just what we do.”_ _

__Jonas giggles. “Because we’re bros?”_ _

__“That’s right,” Isak nods. “Bros for life.”_ _

__Jonas extends his hand for an air high five, and Isak returns it. “Night.”_ _

__He groans into his hands as he leaves Jonas’ room. Why are things this way? It sounds so selfish when he thinks it, but he’d always thought of himself as the problem-friend, the one with the mommy issues and daddy issues and repressed sexuality issues, while Jonas was strong and steady. Isak sighs. He knows he’s not the only one with problems, and he really needs to start acting like it._ _

Even’s text awaits him when he gets back to his room, his soft smile returning as he rereads it. 

**Isak** (01:59): 

_I’m too tired to think of anything rn_

_But I absolutely will_

**Even** (01:59): 

_Wow. It’s so late_

_Go to bed!!_

**Isak** (02:03): 

_You too_

**Even** (02:04): 

_Haha will do._

_Thank you though, for watching_

_Glad you liked it. Made my night_ 👍🏼 

Isak cradles his phone to his chest once he’s in bed. Tonight, with Even on the other side, sleep comes easy. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a lot 😬
> 
> I guess i'm trying to write about an isak who's a little stuck when it comes to his personal life, and slightly resentful of that fact. and the idea that he is growing into a good person and a good friend, but maybe so focused on his own debilitating secrets that he can't always be there for people in the way they might need, in the way he's capable of! alsjkdflkja idk if any of that comes through but i've read over this chapter so many gd times so i can't look at it anymore.
> 
> i will be updating chapters at a pace....tbd. the length of this fic is also tbd. in conclusion i'm just letting myself feel this out as i go, so hopefully you will enjoy and stick around for the ride!!
> 
> as always kudos, comments, messages, asks, letters via carrier pigeon are welcomed and encouraged 🤠


	2. The Benefits of Hubris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isak in every section of this chapter: the pReGaMe
> 
> eta: spoiler but there's a lil saucy scene at the end of this chapter. i know that's not everyone's cup of tea, so once you get to the scene that starts with...
> 
> "Isak walks to the bathroom, laughing at himself as he stumbles a little on his way down the hall."
> 
> feel free to bail 😬 and if you're into that then read away lmao

Isak doesn’t get to Eva’s until the afternoon on Sunday. She’d said her mom wasn’t around, as usual, but Isak uses the window anyways, just for old times sake. He doesn’t fit so well through it these days, but it makes them both laugh.

Noora and Eva are sitting on the floor at the end of the bed when he arrives through the unlocked window, both waving their hands up and down through the air. It’s an odd sight.

“Drying nail polish,” Noora says with a grin, noting his confusion.

“Ah.” He opts to flop onto the empty bed, feeling stiff from sitting at his desk doing homework most of the day. If he manages to make it onto the floor, he’s not sure he’ll ever get back up. Some days he feels much older than nineteen.

He leaves his feet in the pillows and turns on his stomach, so he can see whatever reality show they have playing on Eva’s laptop.

“Isak, you’ll agree with me,” Eva whines.

“Uh oh.”

She rolls her eyes. “Noora says I watch too much TV.”

“That’s not—” Noora scoffs. “I just said I don’t know where you find the time to get into all these shows you tell me about.” She looks to Isak. “I barely watch TV now, I’m sure you’re the same way.”

Isak grins sheepishly. “I think I watch even more now than I did in high school.”

“See?” Eva nods emphatically, still attempting to dry her hands. She pauses for a second, considering Isak’s answer. “Although, that’s probably not great for you, with the whole trying to be a doctor thing.”

He shrugs. “I like taking study breaks. Just don’t tell Sana.” He rests his head down on the bed, content to listen to Eva and Noora’s banter.

“Aw,” Eva sighs. “I miss her. I need to text her back.”

“Yeah, I had lunch with her on Wednesday,” Noora says with a laugh. “She says you’re on her shitlist.”

Eva winces. “I’m terrible, I know. I’ll tell her I’m trying to disconnect from the online world or something.”

“So we’re just going to pretend you weren’t drunk tweeting on Friday night, then?” Isak asks, mumbling from where his face is still smushed into Evas comforter.

Eva hits him on the head. “I knew you followed me on Twitter! Liar.”

Isak giggles. “You had some funny ones, between all the gibberish.”

“Do I even want to know?” Noora gets up, nails finally dry.

Isak shakes his head, as much as he can in his bloblike state.

Eva smacks him again. “You heading out?”

Isak opens his eyes to see Noora nodding reluctantly. “I have some internship interviews I have to prepare for.”

“That makes me want to throw up,” Isak groans. “We started school a month ago, Jesus Christ.”

Noora just laughs as she throws on her coat. “Don’t act like you don’t already have ideas about labs for the summer. I know you.” She points a finger at him.

“She’s right.” Eva stands as well. “You’re that kid that seems like a huge mess in class but actually you’ve been running circles around the rest of us.”

Isak feels his face get red, but he plays it off. “Stop ganging up on me.”

“What, for being smart?” Eva gives a self-deprecating laugh. “Can’t I just appreciate my genius friends for still hanging out with a dropout?”

Isak and Noora both turn to give her troubled looks. “Don’t say that about yourself,” Noora says, voice soft.

Isak sits up. Noora pauses on her walk to the doorway, clearly not wanting to leave on a depressing note. Eva doesn’t seem to want to take it back, so Isak cuts in with a sly grin. “Yeah. You can’t drop out if you never even started, you know that.”

Eva appreciates the mood-lightening dig, giving him the finger and a smile as she starts pushing Noora out the door. “Go do work.”

Noora nods, satisfied now that Eva is laughing again. She turns to Isak. “Tell Linn I say hi. Make sure she’s still going to her appointments, okay? And Eskild wanted to have all of us over soon, so will you text him the days that work for you?”

He nods. “Yes and yes.” With that, Eva walks with her up the stairs to see her off.

Isak falls back into the bed, fighting the urge to take a nap. Eva comes back to find him with his eyes closing a minute later. “She’s so naggy,” he groans.

Eva barks out a laugh, crawling onto the bed next to him. “Who, Noora? Please, she holds you all together. The girls too.”

Isak opens one eye. “Maybe.” He goes back to resting, hearing Eva shuffle around next to him.

“Late night?” she asks.

“Yeah, I went to a party for awhile.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Eh.” Isak can feel her staring, so he opens his eyes. She’s giving him a look of pity.

“When was the last time you had fun on a night out?”

Isak doesn’t know how to answer that. “I have fun, just…” he’s always so stiff these days, holding so much close to his chest. He has such a hard time letting loose, scared of all the shit he’ll drop along the way.

Eva sighs. “We should go out, then. Just the two of us. Just—” she lights up. “Drink a shit ton, but not too much. And just dance.”

Isak snorts. “That’s not very me.”

“You just think it’s not you because you’ve never tried.” She looks up to the ceiling, exasperated but fond. The thing is, Isak has tried that. With Eskild, newly out and needing release. And it was fun, jumping and dancing and refusing to care who was around him. 

But he still felt like an outsider with Eskild and his clubbing friends, not knowing anyone too well. When he thinks about it, it’s like he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Isak could go get drunk and party his inhibitions away, but with no one by his side. Or he could stay with his friends, always checking himself, always observing if he looks chill enough, if anyone can read the thoughts racing through his head.

More vicious cycles in his mind. What’s stopping him from opening up his life? From sharing with his friends, from being himself, or even just attempting to figure out what ‘being himself’ means? It’s himself, that’s what’s holding him back. Always him. It’s always him. It’s always—

“Isak?” Eva looks at him expectantly.

“What?”

“I asked how the apartment was.” She sits up to grab her computer from the floor before he can give her a knowing look. Eva had asked him the same question last week and the week before.

“The apartment is good. So are Jonas and Linn.” Eva busies herself with something on her computer, giving him an indifferent nod in return.

Isak has to laugh at the familiar scene. Details of Jonas and Eva are still murky to everyone but the two of them. They’d hooked up a few times last year, seemingly on the path back to a relationship, but then one day it was over, the friendship gone with it. From what Isak understands from a few talks with Noora, none of the girls know, and neither do the guys. 

Maybe Isak should push harder, figure out what went wrong or if there’s anything he can do to at least help them get back to being friends. Some sort of penance for his first year sins, though the two of them have long forgiven him for his meddling. That doesn’t mean guilt and shame don’t prick at the back of Isak’s neck every time he remembers that year and all the pain it held.

But Eva and Jonas both insist things are good just as they are, and Isak has never claimed to be the friend that forces people in his life to do better, so he lets it be. Lately though, whatever anger existed between Jonas and Eva seems to have simmered down, and now they annoy Isak with their vague lines of questioning, and he has to pretend like he doesn’t know what they’re really asking.

“We might have a pregame next weekend, actually.”

“Okay?”

“Would you like to come?”

Eva looks up from her scrolling. “What, uh. What kind of pregame is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” she pushes the laptop to the side. “Is it just sitting around and drinking?” She makes a face at that. “Or can it be like a big fun thing? Like a theme, really good music, you know?”

Isak shrugs. “We hadn’t gotten that far. Jonas just said he wanted to have one, and—”

“It was Jonas’ idea?” She wrinkles her nose at the name.

“Yeah,” Isak sighs. “But we wanted to have a few people, like from high school. And Eskild and Mo, so Linn will approve. Will you please come?”

“That still seems kind of small…” Isak understands. She still wants as many bodies as possible in between her and Jonas.

“We’ll probably have other people. Sana’s brother and his friends…” Isak hadn’t really thought about it, but it would be polite to invite Magnus’ roommates. No ulterior motives there. Sana will just have to deal with it.

Eva seems to like that idea. “They’re pretty hot.”

Isak all but nods in agreement. Those Tik Toks may have been cringy, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t see the appeal. His only real complaint was not enough Even.

“And you can invite people if you want. Friends from work, or something?”

Eva gives him a sad smile. “I’m not sure I’m that close to anyone. It’s fun while I’m there, but I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to really get to know people when we’re just running around the restaurant all shift.” She’d mentioned it before, but it hadn’t been so bad over the summer, when the rest of their friends had open schedules and no new university friends yet.

“Well. Only if you want. But it would be fun for all of us to be back together again.”

Eva still seems hesitant, but now Isak really wants her there. For himself, for her, for Jonas, despite their insistence to act like the other doesn’t exist.

“Maybe you’re right,” Isak adds on. “Maybe it’ll be more fun if we make it more of a party. Would you help me make a good playlist?”

“Really?” Eva smiles big. “That would be fun.”

“Good.”

Eva grabs her laptop again, seemingly satisfied with Isak’s new pregame plan. “Alright. Wanna watch something?”

Isak settles in beside her, getting comfortable. “Sure. Can we order food or make something though? I’m starving.” He forgot to eat lunch again, one of those Sundays where he got sucked into his work until he looked up and realized how late it was.

Eva nods. “Not eating at the apartment?”

“I think Linn was going over to Eskild’s, and Jonas wanted to go home today, so. I’d be alone.”

She hops off the bed, gesturing for Isak to follow. “Think I have some good leftovers.”

-

It’s later than he wanted by the time he gets back home. Isak can’t say he regrets it though, cracking up as he and Eva traded stories, hers about customers from hell and his about snooty professors and know-it-all classmates.

They’d cobbled together a dinner of whatever was available in Eva’s kitchen and brought it down to her room, vegging out while Eva showed him some videos from her new favorite Youtubers.

She’d sent him back with a little container of brownies she had baked yesterday, and a tight hug that he returned in kind.

It’s dark as he wanders down the hall, singing along to the Stevie Wonder song that comes on his shuffle.

“Hey.” Jonas is standing in the doorway of his bedroom. Isak rips the headphones out of his ears.

“Didn’t know you were home.”

Jonas shrugs. “Yeah, I had too much work, so I just stayed here.”

“You should’ve told me. We could’ve eaten together, sorry.”

“Nah, I’m fine.” Jonas shakes off Isak’s concern. “How was uh, today?”

“Good. Eva’s good.” Isak opens up the tupperware that he was planning on eating alone in his room. “Want one?”

Jonas looks hesitant, but Isak all but shoves it in his face. He takes a bite. “Wow. That’s good.”

“Right? We gotta get her making pot brownies next.” Jonas doesn’t really laugh, so Isak barrels on. “She wants to come on Friday though, if you’re still up for hosting?”

“Oh. Right. I forgot I said that.” Jonas is still staring at the brownie in slight awe.

“Well. I think Eva already told the girls, and Linn said she’d talk to Eskild so. It’s pretty much out of our hands now.”

“Yeah, sure. Could I have—” Jonas gestures to the container, and Isak just hands him the whole thing.

“I was thinking—well it was more Eva’s and Magnus’ thoughts really,” Jonas looks up for a moment at his scrambling. “We should invite those guys. The Balloon boys, or whatever they call themselves.” 

Isak’s sure he sounds like an idiot, but Jonas still seems more concerned with the baked goods in his hands. “Yeah, sure.” Jonas stuffs another bite in his mouth. “They seem really cool.”

“Okay then. Well. I’m going to bed.” He leaves Jonas in his doorway, where he holds the tupperware to his chest with reverence.

-

Monday evening finds Isak trying way too hard at his intramural soccer team practice. Julian, who’s puttering around in goal, actually screams when Isak drives a hard penalty kick during their mini scrimmage. Isak has to apologize for scaring him, but Elias is loving his newfound enthusiasm. And it doesn’t help to lower his adrenaline when Isak walks away from the goal to see Even cheering from the sidelines, lazily sprawled out on the grass with a notebook in his lap.

Isak knew Even would be watching their practice today, he’d told him as much over text this morning. That’s right, Isak thinks smugly to himself: he and Even have been texting since Saturday. Well—Even texts him interesting things and Isak just tries to think up a response that’s worthy to be read by Even’s eyes. Because they’re such great eyes.

“And you said you thought this was stupid,” Mahdi laughs at him as he runs back to midfield, breathing way harder than he’d like for only running up half the mini field.

“You’re just mad I’m better than you,” he snarks back.

Mahdi shakes his head with a grin. “Why would I be mad that you’re good? We’re literally on the same team. I want you to be good.”

“That’s—” Isak concedes. “That makes sense.”

Their bickering is cut short by Elias bringing them into a huddle, serious as usual when it comes to acting as the coach. They continue the scrimmage for awhile longer, Isak making sure to go a little easier on Julian when he makes another shot.

He hears Even whoop somewhere behind him, and Isak lets himself smile.

It’s pretty much dark by the time they finish up practice, but Elias still doesn’t let them leave. “Wait, guys! Even has your t-shirts for the game on Thursday.”

They get handed around, and Isak is happy to see the finished work in person. Even had sent him a picture this afternoon, but now Isak has a Bech Næsheim original in his own hands.

Elias doesn’t seem so pleased. “What about the soccer jersey idea I wanted to do?”

“Nope.” Even thrusts a shirt at him with a grin. “I didn’t like that one. You guys will look good in these!” The shirts are some mix between yellow, green, and brown, with the animations in black, and if Isak’s honest, the color is a little jarring. Not very pleasant to look at under normal circumstances, but he hugs it to his chest anyways.

Yousef seems to agree. “Did it have to be this shade of green?” He tries to give an encouraging smile as he asks.

Even rolls his eyes. “There was a very limited budget, thanks to you guys, so I got the cheapest shirts I could.”

The team nods uncertainly. “I like them,” Isak says, still smiling at his little bobblehead picture. “Thanks, Even.”

Even nods back with an appreciative smile, and soon Elias and Yousef are thanking him as well the rest of the team joining in. 

Elias gives another speech about getting their minds and bodies ready for the biggest game of their lives on Thursday, which Isak soon learns is against the only other available team, run by Mutta and Chris Berg.

“We’re going to crush them, isn’t that right?” Elias asks with a yell. Yousef gives a small cheer, and a few others murmur their agreement, most people on their phones and ready to go home.

Elias nods in resignation. “Okay, we’re done here.” The group disperses quickly after that, Mahdi running ahead to meet his math tutor.

Isak stays behind to help Even break down the empty boxes. “I could’ve gotten the shirts in white,” Even admits once they start walking.

“Really?”

Even looks sheepish. “But Elias was annoying me, so I grabbed the ugly ones instead. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. That’s something I would do.” Isak laughs. “They do look good with the design though. I’m excited to wear mine.”

“Me too.” Elias and Yousef are still visible ahead, but neither of them try to catch up. “Did you see your name?” Even holds up the shirt in his hands, pointing to the little signature in the corner. _Even + Isak_ , it reads.

“I don’t think I deserve that much credit.” Isak decides to ignore all the things he feels when he sees it scribbled like that, in Even’s own hand.

“Too bad.” Even bumps against his shoulder. “I gave it to you.”

They walk the next few blocks in companionable silence. Isak thought—he didn’t know what to expect when he saw Even today. He was worried Even would be distraught, a sallow face and a pint of ice cream in hand or something, mourning the end of his relationship.

But he seems fine, maybe even better than Saturday. Certainly more well-rested. Isak had thought about asking Yousef or Elias during practice if Even and Sonja had already patched things up, but he couldn’t find a reason to bring it up. 

Isak supposes he could just ask Even, now that they’re walking alone, but he holds back. He’s not sure he wants to know, ruin this feeling of closeness that seems to be building between the two of them. Because they’re friends. Friends who are getting to know each other, not deep dive into each other’s love lives the third time they hang out.

Even sighs, and Isak is happy to leave his own head and listen to him instead. “I wanted to make myself a nice dinner, but I think I have too much work to do tonight.”

“Same.” Isak groans when he remembers he used up all his eggs this morning, and now he can’t even make an omelet when he gets home. He supposes he can deal with toast for dinner again. When he explains this to Even however, he just gets a slightly incredulous look in return.

“Don’t do that! You just worked out. You need to refuel.” Even turns suddenly down the street, away from campus.

“You sound like Noora.” Isak doesn’t ask where they’re headed yet, just content to follow Even wherever he’d like to go.

“Sana’s friend?” Even asks.

“Yeah. And my old roommate.”

“Well, she must be smart. We need some McDonald’s for the night ahead.” Even waggles his eyebrows as he walks.

Isak snorts. “McDonald’s is the exact opposite of the type of food your body needs to fuel itself.”

“That’s not wrong.” Even frowns slightly and slows his pace. “So that’s a no to McDonald’s then?”

Isak widens his eyes. As if saying no to Even was humanly possible. “I didn’t say that.”

Even’s face brightens. “Come on, then.”

Real life responsibilities still exist somehow, so their fast food meal is a quick affair. Isak relishes every second of it though.

“Have you always played soccer?” Even asks with a mouthful of burger. They’d spent a minute just stuffing their faces as soon as they sat down with their food, but now they’ve slowed down a bit.

Isak almost moans as he munches on some fries. This is exactly what he needed. “On and off since I was little.”

“You’re good.”

Isak drinks some of his milkshake to combat the warmth in his cheeks. “Thanks. Do you play?”

“When I was younger. But I have really bad hand-eye coordination.”

“Oh.” Isak considers this. “That’s kind of interesting, given how good you are at drawing. I would think maybe that would help you out.”

“I never thought of it like that.” Even pushes his carton of nuggets in Isak’s direction, and Isak has no problems taking some. “Maybe I just get nervous with all the balls flying at my face.”

Isak pauses mid-chew. “I don’t think you know how soccer works.”

“Yes I do, I manage a whole team!” Even laughs as he sips his soda. “No, Elias is definitely happy to have you and Mahdi there.”

“He takes things pretty seriously, doesn’t he?”

Even nods. “It can be a lot, but it also makes him kind of the best, if you get what I mean?”

“Yeah, totally. Sana’s the same way. No wonder they clash so much.” He smiles to himself when he thinks of the fondness that threads through most of her complaints about her brother.

“I love that family. I want to hang out with Sana more, honestly.”

Even finishes off his fries, so Isak places the rest of his in the middle of the table. He’s glad he got the large today. “You should. She’s awesome. Just—don’t tell her I said that.”

“Oh I will.” Even gives him a playful grin. They finish up their food soon after that, but Even is still sipping on his drink. Isak is happy to stay right where he is, just go on pretending that the only thing that exists in the world is this empty McDonald’s, because that’s exactly how it feels.

He pushes his empty boxes to the side and fixates on the cheeseburger wrapper, folding it neatly and flattening out the creases under his nails. “I like the team, though. More than I thought I would. It’s been a good, I don’t know, outlet, or—release, you know? For energy, stress relief, that type of thing.”

“Is that so?” Isak looks up at Even’s skeptical tone, to see him on the verge of laughter. “Just wait until you try sex, then. It’ll blow your mind.”

“Wow.” Even starts to laugh, while Isak’s face burns. It was a good joke, but he’s more in shock than anything. Usually he’s the one getting in the jabs. “Did you just…wow. Way to ruin a sincere statement, Jesus.”

“I’m sorry. I had to get it in there.” Even leans back in his seat, face scrunched in laughter, and Isak finds in this case, he has no problem being the butt of the joke. Not when it leaves Even looking like that. “It was too good. I’ll take it back.”

“Take it—? It’s too late.” Isak rests a hand over his heart. “I’m hurt. Will I ever recover?”

Even winces. “The joke a little too close to home?”

“Oh my god. Again?” Isak throws his hands up in defeat. He’s off his game. He’s just tired, that’s all. Cute boys be damned. He returns to his wrapper, unfolding and refolding, leveling out the new creases with precision. 

“You keep setting yourself up, I’m sorry! I have to follow through. Bad jokes are my thing.” Even has calmed down now, but his eyes are still shining with delight as he rests his arms on the table, leaning into their conversation.

“Yeah, I could tell,” Isak says with a smirk.

“Damn, okay. Alright.” Even shakes his head. “Ouch.” 

“Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.”

Even doesn’t respond for a second, just looking at Isak with an attentive gaze. “Oh I can take it.”

Isak crushes up the wrapper into a ball, squeezing it tight in his fist as wills his body not to read too much into the innuendo, the intensity behind Even’s eyes. His body does not listen.

-

“Do you have to type so loud?”

Isak looks up from his laptop to a familiar glare from Sana. “Only when I’m working next to you.”

If he weren’t so used to being on the receiving end of such faces, Sana’s responding scowl might have killed him. “What are you working on, anyways? Thought you were taking another study break.”

“I am.” Isak shifts in his seat. “Well—I’m finishing up a study guide for my neuroscience class.”

Sana narrows her eyes. “You said that was one of your easiest.”

“It is. I’m—helping out a classmate.” He mumbles out the last bit. On their walk back home on Monday, Even had mentioned in passing that he might want to study with Isak, so he’s just—just preparing. He spent a good chunk of Tuesday night retyping his notes and reviewing some concepts, so if that study date, no, study _session,_ ever actually happens, he’ll have a lesson plan in place. He’ll probably send it to Even anyways. Isak allows himself to feel smug: it’s a really good study guide.

“What classmate?” Sana has pushed her textbook to the side. That never bodes well for Isak.

He shrugs. “Not important.” He backtracks, not liking how secretive that sounds. “I just mean, I don’t know if you know him.”

Sana tilts her head. “It’s not important or I don’t know him?”

“…Both?”

For whatever reason, Sana isn’t in the mood to pry. She slides the textbook back in front of her. “I didn’t think you hung out with people other than your ‘hoes’.” She smirks at him.

“I am capable of making new friends, you know.” Sana just raises her eyebrows as she looks back at her book, and Isak decides not to point out that she was the one who asked if they could continue to study together once they started at uni. She’s very picky about when she’ll acknowledge him as an equal.

“Sure you are.”

Isak leans back in his chair, tired of reviewing his diagram for synaptic transmissions. “Speaking of new friends, are you coming to our game tomorrow?”

Sana rolls her eyes. She’s still trying to read her textbook, but if she really wanted him to shut up, she’d let him know. “The intramural soccer game?” She scrunches her nose in distaste. “I liked you better last week, when you were hating on the team.”

“I’m a changed man, I guess. It’s been fun.” She raises her eyebrows, not used to hearing him say something uncynical. “Are you coming or not?”

“What’s tomorrow, Thursday? Pretty sure I’m booked.” She gives him a sarcastic smile before returning to her notes.

“Lying is unbecoming, Sanasol.”

“You’re one to talk.” She barks out a laugh, which, okay, that’s fair. “But why would I even go?”

“Because I’m playing and you love me? And so is Mahdi. And Elias, and that guy.”

“What guy?”

“The nice one. What’s his name again?” Isak smirks. “Yousef, is it?”

Sana huffs and flips him off. “I’ve never heard of any of those people in my life.”

“We’re playing against Chris’ team.”

“Chris Berg?”

“Yep.”

Sana seems to consider this for a moment. “Guess I’ll go. For her.”

“And for me?” Isak asks hopefully.

“Only if you start these problem sets with me.”

Isak groans, but closes his computer and pulls out his notebook anyways. “Why can’t you let me just scramble to finish it twenty minutes before the deadline? That’s when I’m the smartest.”

Sana just shakes her head as she starts writing. “The way you live your life scares me.”

“It’s called living on the edge.”

“If living on the edge is procrastinating homework and pissing off your study buddy, then I’m not interested.”

“You called me your buddy.” Sana doesn’t respond. Isak sighs and flips to a new page, lamenting the fact that she’s not even wrong. Half-assing life is really not all it’s cracked up to be. “Alright. Do you want my help or not?”

“Just—look at the fourth one.” She taps on the sheet in front of her. “I want to see if you get the same answer.”

Isak looks at her for another moment. He has this urge to share, to ask her what she knows about Even, just to see if there’s a chance. To see if he isn’t making stuff up in his mind, like the way they leaned close during dinner on Monday, or the way Even’s texts and snapchats seem a little too frequent for any old friend.

Instead, Isak looks at her notes, and holds back a laugh when he immediately sees the mistake she made in her equation. For now he’ll just take comfort in the things he knows for sure, like the fact that he’ll get to prove Sana wrong.

-

Isak is running late for his own game. It’s not even his fucking fault. He speed walks to the field, music blaring in his ears as he tries to get in some type of competitive zone.

Jonas had said yesterday that he’d go over to the field with Isak, that he was excited to watch the game, even, but he wasn’t at the apartment, and now he’s not answering his phone.

Isak hates that he’s even worked up about it as he trudges down the street. It’s fucking intramural soccer, he’s said it a thousand times himself. It doesn’t matter, there are no stakes, but he—he wanted Jonas to be there.

He feels like a little kid, upset that his fucking dad bailed on him again or something. Only it hurts a little worse, because at least Isak has come to expect his dad’s unavailability over the years.

Maybe that’s it though: maybe Isak has been relying too heavily on Jonas for emotional support. He needed it desperately throughout high school, and Jonas had been there, a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent to, a bed to stay in before Isak moved out for good.

Isak leaves it alone for now. It doesn’t have to be that deep. Everyone is flaky at one point or another, and he knows that Jonas has been stressing about his classes. But he could at least pick up the damn phone.

The teams are still warming up when Isak arrives, nodding sheepishly at Elias as he throws his bag on the ground and jogs to join in on the drills.

He peers over to the sidelines, where a few people sit around. Jonas’ head of hair is nowhere to be seen, but Isak ignores the twinge of disappointment to smile when Even gives him a thumbs up.

Mahdi offers him a high five as they stretch next to each other. “You missed the mindfulness exercise we did.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Mahdi just laughs. “How will you be able to shoot if you didn’t visualize it beforehand?”

“Was it bad?”

“We had to lie in the grass and listen to Elias’ white noise app.”

Elias approaches as Isak lets out a laugh at the image. “Can we focus up please? I’m not losing to this guy.” He points to where Mutta and Chris’ team seem to be taking things much less seriously, just throwing pieces of grass around.

“This guy as in one of your best friends?” Mahdi asks skeptically.

Elias looks scandalized. “Maybe, but it’s a whole new world out here. We don’t show mercy on the field.”

Isak and Mahdi just nod slowly. Over Elias’ shoulder, Mutta’s team cheers as they watch him attempt a handstand.

-

They win the game, to no one’s surprise. Elias still celebrates like it’s the world cup, and the team decides to entertain him, Yousef and their goalie, Ella, lifting him up on their shoulders.

Yousef announces that they’re invited over to the house for a little victory party.

“Is my team not invited?” Mutta asks, their entire team looking completely unbothered at the loss.

“Well—no. It’s for everyone, obviously,” Yousef says.

“But, you guys just have to let our team eat pizza first.” Elias adds on, trying to assert that winning must mean something.

Mutta looks sad now. “But Anna and Mat have to leave early. Does that mean they won’t get pizza?”

“How about whoever wants pizza can eat it whenever they want?” Yousef says, patting Elias on the back when he gears up to respond.

“I’ll make you a trophy for winning,” Even volunteers, the few spectators now mingling among the players. This seems to satisfy Elias, and he directs people to start packing up their stuff and follow him.

“Isak!” Magnus throws an arm around him. “You were killing it out there.”

He picks up his bag. “Thanks, Mags.”

“You coming back to the house?” Magnus doesn’t give him much of a choice, keeping his arm wrapped around Isak as he starts walking.

“I’m gonna stop by my apartment to shower first, but I’ll come by after?” The last two times Isak spent an extended period of time with Even, he was very concerned about the fact that he hadn’t showered after working out. He’s not going through that struggle again, not when he can change and make himself somewhat presentable.

Even runs to catch up to them, and Isak soon finds himself in between them as they walk in a spread out group back to campus. Magnus and Even are a funny pair, Isak realizes, as they regale him with their favorite moments of the game, making it sound way more dramatic than he recalls it to be.

Isak doesn’t have much to say, but he’s happy to chug his water as they walk and witness Even being his goofy self with his friends. When Sana falls into step with them, giving Isak a rare fist bump, Even is as charming as ever, actually getting her to giggle when he starts joking about stealing from Yousef’s bandana collection.

Isak peels off as they reach his street, face almost hurting from laughing as the group shouts their farewells, Magnus’ wail coming loud above all the rest.

He hops in the shower quickly, trying to ignore the excess adrenaline from the game mixed with the phantom feeling of Even’s shoulder pressed against his on the walk home. 

It’s a lethal combination, and Isak chides himself when he spends way too long with his eyes closed, recalling the look of interest Even wore when Isak performed a pretty good slide tackle right in front of him on the field. He’s just a fan of the sport, probably, and Isak is definitely too thirsty for his own good.

-

Isak runs into Jonas heading up the stairs as he makes his way down, refreshed and in a shirt and jeans that he may or may not have picked out this morning, when he learned about the potential get together after the game.

“Hey.” His tone is colder than he meant, but he’s still a little pissed about the radio silence.

Jonas raises a hand as they pause in the middle of the staircase. “Where are you headed?”

“To Magnus’. We’re just hanging out, because we won and all that.”

Jonas nods blankly, but in a second the realization washes over his face. “Fuck,” he groans. “I completely forgot.”

Isak shrugs. “Yeah, I tried to call you before I left, but.”

“Sorry, I—my phone was off. Trying to get in the zone in the library.”

“I feel that.” Isak nods, not feeling so angry now. He was a little worried Jonas would respond with anger, but instead he looks almost despondent.

“I’m really fucking sorry, man.” He shakes his head as he talks, running a hand through his hair. “Seriously. That—I’m sorry.”

Isak shifts. “It’s not that big a deal. And we’ll have more games, so.”

“Still.” Isak would almost rather him be angry and defensive than whatever this is, deeply apologetic and dejected.

Isak laughs, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s only intramural.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry though.” Jonas sighs and opens his mouth to speak, but the words take awhile to come out. “It’s just—things have been hard. Classes have been…” he lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I don’t know. It’s university, I guess.”

“Do you…” Isak takes a breath. He hates this question, mostly for all the memories it dredges up of his mom’s breakdowns, his dad’s faux concern, the family therapist sitting in silence, waiting for him to say something, anything. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jonas gives him a grateful smile. “Not much to say, really. I’ve just been feeling pretty stressed. I thought, I don’t know what I thought. That we’d get here and it’d just be…” he waves a hand around, “smooth sailing.”

“Well…everyone says the first semester of university is the fucking worst.”

Jonas nods, and looks at him for what feels like a long time. “Is it the worst for you?” Isak has to think about that. It certainly hasn’t been the greatest, but he’s lucky in that he’s studying what he wants, even if the future is a total mystery. His social and romantic life, that’s not even worth considering right now.

“It’s different for me. It wasn’t much of a transition, other than taking classes in one building and then moving to another.” He supposes in some ways his independence at a young age has been an asset, though it never really feels that way.

Jonas breathes out through his nose. “I guess.”

“You can always vent to me though. You know—you saw how it was for me during high school. Moving, and…everything. I get some of that.” Isak gives a weak grin as he says it, hoping he looks like a supportive friend, whatever that means.

Jonas grins back, but it’s still a little sad. “Thanks.”

“How about you come to Magnus’? It’ll be chill. We can forget about work for awhile.”

“Um, not this time.” Jonas tilts his head back in frustration. “How is it that I spent four hours at the library and I still have so much shit to do?”

“You can do it, though,” Isak says with a firm nod. He knows his friend is brilliant, even more so when he dedicates himself, which he seems to be doing this year.

“Hopefully.” Jonas starts walking up the stairs. “Tomorrow, though? We still on?”

Isak nods, relieved that he’s still looking forward to it. “Yeah. It seems like it might get pretty crowded though. More party than pregame. I think people are just bringing along whoever they want.”

“Alright.” Not quite the kickback that Jonas had probably imagined, but he doesn’t seem bothered.

“I was going to pick up a bunch of beer tonight, actually, and Mahdi and a few others are bringing stuff.”

“You, buying the beer?” Jonas laughs. “What is happening?”

“I do that…sometimes.”

“No, I know,” Jonas sobers up. “That’ll be fun.”

Isak nods, and takes a few steps down before Jonas calls out to him again.

“Would you want—can we just get really fucked up though? Tomorrow night?”

Isak pauses. In high school, such a question wouldn’t even need to be asked. That was just the norm. But things are different now. Isak is a bit more buttoned up and Jonas is…dealing with his own shit. 

But he knows what Jonas means. It’s more of an olive branch than anything, that desire to just pretend that nothing matters and nothing’s changed.

“I would love that.”

-

The door is unlocked when he finally makes it to the house, later than he planned but feeling lighter for seeing his friend smile as he left him on the stairs.

Isak finds Adam in the kitchen, perusing the many boxes of pizza on the counter. He can hear people being boisterous down the hall, but he desperately needs to eat first.

“Isak! Heard you had a good game today,” Adam says as he gives him a pat on the back.

“Yeah, it was a good time. How’s it going?”

Adam grins through a mouthful of pizza. “Look at my kitchen and tell me how you think I’m doing.”

All he sees are half-eaten pizzas. “Pretty well, I hope?”

“I’ve got free lunch and dinner for the next week. I’m fucking amazing.” He grabs another slice, and gestures for Isak to dig in. “Guys are in the living room. I think most other people cleared out already though.”

“Thanks man.” He walks back after grabbing a plate. Adam was right: it’s a smaller group now, but Isak is glad for it.

He raises his eyebrows at Sana when he sees her on the couch between Yousef and Noora, eating with a few of Isak’s teammates. She flashes him a quick finger before Noora pulls her hand down with a laugh.

Magnus lights up when he sees Isak, waving him over to a spot on the floor, where he’s sitting with Chris and Even.

“Finally! We thought you weren’t gonna show up!” Magnus says.

“Here I am.” Isak grunts as he lowers himself onto the floor.

“Even was sad. He wanted to send out a search party,” Chris adds.

“Is that right?” Isak asks, nodding at Even. Even laughs a little, cheeks red as he shrugs.

“Just wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost.” Even looks good here, lounging on the floor with one leg pulled up to his chest. He seems comfortable in this space, his own house surrounded by good people. Isak wants to see more of that. Isak wants to—Isak wants a lot of things.

He stuffs his mouth with pizza to avoid pursuing that train of thought. Mutta soon comes over to sit in their little circle, and he and Chris jokingly try to recruit Isak to their team.

“I don’t know, how will you sweeten the deal?” He asks them.

They look to each other. “You won’t have to wear that ugly green shirt, at least?” Mutta offers.

Even and Isak both give him scandalized looks. “I love that shirt—” Isak starts, just as Even cuts in.

“That shirt is gonna be worth millions someday, thank you.”

Isak points at Even. “That’s right.”

“Okay, okay,” Mutta backs off with a laugh. “It _is_ cool, but the color, really?”

Magnus shrugs. “I think it looks nice. Sort of a…throw up green.”

Even throws an arm around Magnus. “See? And he knows fashion.”

Isak tilts his head from side to side. That’s not a statement he’ll condone, no matter who says it.

The conversation devolves into something about some model that Magnus is thirsting over. Isak doesn’t bother to follow along, opting to finish his pizza instead.

“Hey,” Magnus pipes up, “You’re all coming to Isak’s tomorrow, right?”

They all nod.

“I meant to tell you,” he turns to Isak. “My friend from my education class has this amazing speaker system. I said he could bring it, if that’s okay.”

Isak shakes his head in indulgent resignation. “Whatever. I’m just providing the place and some alcohol. The rest is up to you guys.”

Chris whoops. “Can’t wait to party with my girls again.”

“Yo, Even—” Mutta cuts in. “Is Elise coming?”

Even shakes his head. “Elise?”

“You know, the really pretty one? Sonja’s friend?”

Isak winces internally as Magnus stares wide-eyed at the floor. Even’s face is blank, just blinking at Mutta.

Chris looks back and forth between them. “Who’s Sonja?”

Even’s eyes dart around the room, meeting Isak’s for just a moment, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. “We haven’t really talked.”

“Oh. _Oh._ ” Mutta backtracks. “I thought—Mik said. Never mind. Sorry.”

Even just shakes his head with a wan smile. “It’s chill.”

Magnus sighs, never one for tension like this. “Well! Elise or not, tomorrow should be fun, right? Isak? Want a tour of the house?”

“Yep.” They hop up quickly. Isak looks back to offer Even some type of supportive smile, but his eyes are on his phone, looking a little glum.

-

Isak spends awhile chilling with Magnus after he gets a tour. By the time Magnus had finished showing him the inner workings of the “crib”, as he calls it, the living room had cleared out, and they retreated back to his room. Magnus is good company when he wants to be, and Isak can’t remember the last time they hung out, just the two of them.

But Isak has to stop by the store on his way home, so Magnus says he’ll come and help carry the beer. They find Even putting on his shoes in the front hall.

“You headed out?” Magnus asks.

“Yeah, I said I’d get drinks for this weekend.”

“No shit, we’re headed to the store too!” Magnus is delighted. “I’m helping Isak pick up stuff for tomorrow.”

“Well—” Even throws on his jacket. “How about I just help instead? That way you don’t have to go out if you don’t want, Mags.”

“Really?” Magnus shakes his head. “That’d be great.”

“You good with that, Isak?” Isak looks up from where he’s fiddling with his coat zipper. He’s very okay with that.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Even nods. “Let’s go.”

The short walk to the store is pretty quiet. It’s a nice night, and Isak spends most of it running through the list in his head of what types of beer he’d like to get. His dad has started to give him some walking-around money, and Isak is happy to dip into it every once and awhile. If his dad thinks giving him checks will bring them closer together, Isak’s not about to dispute that.

Even holds open the door as they walk through into the store. “I was actually planning on buying you a host gift, but I’m not sure if I can sneak it now.”

“You don’t have to do that. You’re already helping me carry this home.”

“Oh no, I’m definitely getting you one.” Even walks backwards towards the beer section.

“Fine. How about you just make me close my eyes when you pick it out?” Isak asks with a laugh, following close behind.

“So smart, Isak’s Isak.” He turns around and starts examining the shelves.

Isak finds what he wants quickly, mostly cheap stuff that he knows Jonas likes, and wanders around after paying, waiting for Even to finish up. Once outside, Even makes him turn around as he stuff something in his backpack.

“Okay. You can turn around.” Even is wearing a satisfied smile when Isak spins to face him. “Shall we?”

They split the bags between them and start walking. “I think the cashier was judging me for my life choices,” Isak says.

“Really? I thought she was great.”

Isak snorts. “You would.”

Even raises his eyebrows in a question. “Meaning?”

“You’re just…” Isak tries to gesture to the whole aura of the guy beside him, a hard enough task without bags of beer in hand. “People like your vibe. You’re charming, I don’t know.”

Even grins at that. They pass under a streetlight, and it’s almost like he’s glowing, like his aura is fucking palpable. “I appreciate that. But what, are you saying people don’t like your vibe?”

Isak shrugs. “It’s different.”

“How’s that?”

“I’ve been told I have a bit more of a hostile personality.” One of Isak’s primary school teachers seemed to have a vendetta against rowdy and juvenile boys, but the comments bounce around in Isak’s head from time to time. It’s not inaccurate, even years later.

Even nods. He looks at Isak for a moment. “I think we both know that’s not completely off-base, to outsiders at least, but I still think it’s bullshit.”

Isak laughs it off. “Why’s that?”

“No particular reason,” Even shakes his head. “But you’re the one letting your friends trash your apartment tomorrow, because you know it’ll make them happy. That’s not what I would call hostile.”

Isak nods at that. He coughs a few times, fighting the affectionate smile he knows his creeping onto his face. “Okay then.”

They spend a few more minutes walking in silence, but Isak doesn’t think he’s imagining that they’re standing a little closer. Their grocery bags are bumping as they stop at a crosswalk, and that stupid image feels intimate somehow.

The light changes, and Isak pulls his eyes away from their brushing bags when they start walking again. “I forgot to text you, but I have a study guide for neuro that I’ll send you. It should be helpful for the test.”

“That would be great, thanks. I was thinking about going to the review next week, if you are?”

“Think so. And I’ll make sure to add more stuff to the guide for the midterm, when we get there.”

“Wait.” Even narrows his eyes at him. “This is a study guide you made?”

“Yeah. I was thinking the diagrams might be the best way for you to obtain the information, so you might want to think about drawing them yourself, just to—” He cuts off when he sees Even looking at him with something he can’t quite interpret. “What?”

“Nothing, just. Hostile my ass.” Even laughs to himself. “Thank you.”

“Like I said, it was helpful for me to go over stuff.” Isak hesitates. “Do you think it’s been helpful for you, learning more about how the brain works? With bipolar?”

Even laughs. “Not really. I’d be better off taking a psych class if I was really invested. But it’s been a good exercise for me to challenge myself with new subject matter. If nothing else, it makes me appreciate my other classes.”

“That’s good, at least.”

“But. Do you ever feel—” Even purses his lips, trying to find the words. “Feel like you can’t make sense of your brain? Not in the way that you could get an MRI and diagnose it, but like…” Even trails off.

“Like what the hell is going on up there?” Isak finishes off.

“Yeah.”

“Pretty much all the time.”

Even seems surprised by this. “You seem pretty sure of yourself, though.”

“Okay,” Isak squints at him. “But so do you.”

“That’s true. There are times when I know it’s not my bipolar, but more just—Even being dumb, and I can’t make sense of it. Not that I thought taking an intro to neuroscience class would explain everything, but. Yeah.”

Isak shrugs. “I mean, you’re what—twenty years old?”

“Twenty one,” Even corrects.

“Twenty one. And I’m nineteen. Our brains are still developing. And once they do, we’ll probably keep developing emotionally beyond that in some way; we never stop growing. But it can be weird to analyze yourself when you have to accept that you’re not—I don’t know, a finished product, I guess?”

“Hm.” Even nods. “Do you analyze yourself a lot?”

Isak gives him a side eye. “I feel like you’re gearing up for some sort of pun. But yeah, probably way too much.”

“No puns! I was just curious.” Even shifts the bags in his hands, and Isak feels the discomfort of the weight of the beer as well. And yet he doesn’t want this walk to end. “I do too,” he says in a resigned tone.

“It gets exhausting, as I’m sure you know.”

“It really fucking does. And I know it’s a good thing to be self-aware, especially for me.” Even sighs. “But there can be too much of a good thing, don’t you think?”

Isak’s not sure he follows completely, but he nods, and Even continues.

“I’ve just been thinking about that lately. I hate when people—sometimes people in my life mean well, but they act like I’m the only one in the world with a mental illness. Like it’s some totally uncommon thing, and every time I can’t quantify what’s going on in my head, that must mean a breakdown is incoming.” Even lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Does any of that make sense?”

Isak has never heard him talk so much, and now he hopes he never stops. “I think so? Like, blips or bad moments happen for everyone, so obviously they’ll happen for you too, bipolar or not.”

Even smiles. “Yeah.”

“And, like—you might have moments where you…I don’t know, do dumb shit that you can’t explain, and people try to make mountains out of mole hills, but in reality it’s just the fact that. You’re a twenty one year old idiot?”

“With a still-developing brain! Exactly.” They both giggle a little. “I like that you still got the idiot jab in there.”

Isak grins at him. “The lord giveth, and the lord taketh away.”

“And now you’re comparing yourself to God?”

Isak sighs when they reach his block. “I’m not comparing myself to God. Obviously I’m better.”

“Oh, obviously. Talk about hubris.” Even is laughing openly again, and Isak’s not sure if he should ask what he wants to ask.

“The people who do that…is that hard to deal with?”

Even shakes his head. “It’s really not—I know where they come from when they get worked up. Whether it’s my friends or family. It’s just been bugging me lately.”

They reach Isak’s building, but he doesn’t move to enter just yet. It seems like Even isn’t ready to end this conversation.

“But I got into it with someone about this topic, among other things. And it left me reeling a little bit.” He leans the bags against the side of the building, and Isak does the same.

“I could see that. Was it,” Isak hates himself for prying. “Your—Sonja?”

Even nods with a timid smile.

“I’m sorry. That sucks.”

Even shrugs. “It’s not the first time it’s come up. Just a reminder of how far apart we were, I guess.”

Isak leans on the wall next to him. “I’m sorry, though. That must be hard.”

Even stares out onto the street for a minute. “Not…maybe in some ways, but not really. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Oh.” Isak follows his gaze as a car passes, and he replays that conversation with Adam and Mikael. Even’s in the middle of the well-documented cycle of his relationship right now. By this time next week, he’ll probably be back in the arms of his soulmate. “Your friends…seem to think differently.”

Even looks at him, but Isak keeps his eyes on the road. “Yeah. And they know me best, I guess.”

Isak voices his agreement, stomach churning.

“But then again, just because they know my past doesn’t mean they know my future. Doesn’t mean they can see into my head. Neither can Sonja. Neither can you, even though you’re better than God, and all that.”

Isak closes his eyes. That statement hits closer to home than Even probably realizes. It’s not the same for him, as sometimes he thinks it would be easier for people just to see inside his head, so he doesn’t have to bother saying the things he’s scared to say. 

But Even is right: what people see is what you allow them to see, and it’s up to Isak to determine what exactly that is. He can’t expect others to pick up on things he’s never even tried to put down. “Well put,” he says finally.

Even pushes himself off the wall. “Alright?” He picks up the bags, handing some to Isak. “Alright. We have some beer to deliver.”

-

Isak finishes classes at 14:00 on Friday, and within 30 minutes he and Jonas start smoking. He feels fantastic, especially after turning in a particularly annoying prelab for his chem class. 

When Magnus arrives with his speaker-system friend, and Mahdi a minute behind him with quite a few handles, Isak, Jonas, and Linn, a surprisingly willing participant, are all happily stoned on the couch.

They’d stopped smoking awhile ago, Isak and Jonas still in agreement that they’ll rally and start drinking once people arrive. For now though, the three of them are being thoroughly entertained by Love Island.

“Are you having a pre-pregame right now?” Mahdi asks after he leaves his contributions in the kitchen. He flops down into the empty arm chair and pulls out his own joint.

“I guess we are,” Jonas says, giggling when a girl starts crying on the screen.

Isak considers getting up to help Magnus and the speaker guy, Jon or Jarl, or something, but his head swims as soon as he moves to stand, so he melts back into his seat.

“You guys are gonna sleep through the whole night if you keep this up,” Magnus laughs.

“Nah,” Jonas responds. “We’ve perfected the timing.”

“Really? Because at Mahdi’s birthday last year, you—”

“We’ve perfected it!” Isak interjects. He won’t admit that he is getting a little sleepy. He’d stayed up too late again, finishing homework he’d meant to do on Wednesday, pausing every few minutes to compose a text to Even, but never sending anything. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say, the only things coming to mind sounding way too clingy or booty call-esque.

Isak looks at his watch, surprised to see they’ve been sitting here for over two hours. “On an unrelated note, I might go lay down for a few minutes.”

Jonas points a finger at him. “I will knock down your door if you don’t get up later.”

Isak gives the group a little salute as he leaves.

-

He awakes to Linn standing over him, a hand shaking his shoulder. “Jonas wants you to get up.”

“God, how long was I asleep?” He must have passed out as soon as he laid on his bed, just on top of his sheets. Isak wipes the sleep from his eyes, sighing when he notices it’s already dark outside.

She shrugs. “Some of your friends are here already.” There’s music coming from the living room, not too loud yet, but he’s sure that’ll change within the hour.

Before he can respond, he hears a familiar voice booming from the hall. “Which one is Isak’s room?” Eskild appears in the doorway before anyone responds, shouting with delight when he sees his two former roommates in front of him.

Both Isak and Linn put up with hugs that last too long. Mo files in a moment later, offering high fives with a much more calming presence. “How are you guys?” Eskild asks, making himself at home on Isak’s bed.

“Isak just woke up,” Linns says with a fond smile, still holding onto Eskild’s hand.

“Oh, Isak,” Eskild rests his head on his shoulder. “Never change.”

“Great apartment,” Mo adds.

“My room is nicer,” Linn says. “Isak has the smallest room.”

“Aw, did you have to pick last?” Eskild looks up at Isak.

“First, actually. But this one,” Isak points to his windows. “It has nice light during the day.”

Eskild raises his eyebrows. “Okay, Mr. Artist. But was the natural light worth the lack of closet space?” Linn snorts.

Mo just nods with a pleasant smile. “I get what you’re saying, Isak. My old apartment had barely any windows, and it really made me hate the place.”

Isak points to Mo in agreement, glaring at Eskild. “Have I ever told you that I like your boyfriend better?”

Eskild moves from Isak’s shoulder and leans into Mo’s side instead with a soft smile up at him. “Many times.”

“Alright,” Isak stands. “I need to get changed still.”

Linn nods and moves towards the door. “Come see my room?”

“True, I need a full tour.” Eskild hops off the bed. When they make it out into the hall, however, they run into Even approaching. “Hello there.” He puts out a hand. “I’m Eskild.”

Even gives him a charismatic smile. “I’m Even.”

Introductions go around. “Mohammad.”

He nods in greeting. “Even.”

“Linn.”

“Even.”

Isak laughs. “What’s your name again?”

Even slides past the group to give Isak a brief hug. “Doing good?”

Isak nods once, very aware of the curious smile Eskild is sending his way. “Yep. You?”

Even raises his eyebrows. “Always.”

“Well!” Eskild claps his hands together. “Linn? Your room?” As they move back up the hall, Eskild turns back. “Save a shot for me, baby Jesus.”

And then there were two. Even leans against the wall, with a questioning look. “Baby Jesus?”

Isak scoffs. “It’s a long story.”

“Well. Someday you’re gonna tell me.” Even takes a step towards the living room. “You joining the party?”

“In a minute.” He’s still in the sweats he threw on when he got home, and he doesn’t even want to know the state his hair is in.

“Got it.” Even starts back the way he came. “Save a shot for me too.”

-

Isak spends a few minutes staring at himself in the mirror, wondering how his outfit will be perceived. It’s literally just a shirt and jeans, but this one is a little more form-fitting than what he usually wears, and he feels like—is it weird to make an effort? Isak is kind of known for his minimal amount of effort; that’s his thing. Eventually he gets a text from Jonas saying he’s already started drinking, so Isak will have to play catch up. 

He glares at himself. Literally no one cares. Everybody has their reasons why they’re getting fucked up tonight, if at all. Isak could wear a fucking crop top, or no shirt at all, and no one, save Magnus maybe, would bat an eye. It’s not that deep, he reminds himself. These days, it feels like Isak fluctuates between two world views: either nothing matters or means anything, or everything matters so fucking much.

Isak shakes out his hair, and turns away from himself. He’s just going to chill with his friends in his own apartment. And if he hates it he can lock himself in his room until everyone leaves.

Isak is surprised by how crowded the apartment is when he leaves his room. People are spilling out from the living room into the hall, and he recognizes fewer faces than he would like.

He can’t get through to the kitchen without shoving through a large group of girls that definitely started drinking long before they got here, so he goes through the living room instead.

Magnus was right about the speaker system; the bass is pounding through the floor, and Isak sends a silent apology to his downstairs neighbors. He’s sure there will be some complaints before the night is through.

He greets Vilde and Eva on his way through, both of them trying to get people to start dancing instead of just milling around. He thinks he might have promised that he’ll join them later, but he can’t be sure over the noise.

The kitchen is just as crowded, but Jonas shifts over so he can slide into the group in the corner. Mikael and Adam seem to be in the process of asking Jonas to be in some of their Tik Toks, so Isak gladly hands pours shots for them both.

“You don’t understand,” Adam is saying. “We’re not viral or anything, but the girls on campus go crazy for this type of shit.”

Jonas tilts his head. “I don’t know if it would really be my thing.”

“Just try it once, I swear. You’ll love it.”

Isak snorts. “It sounds like you’re offering him drugs.”

“Tik Tok,” Mikael giggles. “It’s a helluva drug.”

“Dude, Isak!” Adam turns to him. “You should do it too.”

Isak shakes his head quickly. “Nope.”

Even comes in from the living room then, throwing his arms around Adam and Mikael. “Boys? Everyone good?” His eyes fall to Isak, and stay there until Isak shifts in his spot, feeling slightly hot in the crowded space all of a sudden.

“Ev, tell them they should get in on the videos,” Adam starts. “I swear, three girls already gave me a look when we came in.”

Even narrows his eyes. “What kind of look?”

“You know,” Adam nods suggestively. “That look that’s like—hey, I’ve seen you on Tik Tok and I think you’re hot, and maybe we’ll hook up later.”

Jonas tilts his head back in laughter. “All that in one look?”

“Wow,” Even shakes his head, him and Mikael grinning at each other. “And here we were, thinking we were making videos so we could all bond with each other.”

Adam shrugs. “We can bond and I can still get laid. They’re not mutually exclusive.”

“That’s fair,” Even concedes. He raises his eyebrows at Isak. “Isak’s Isak? Shot time?”

“Sounds good.”

Jonas grins. “Get me in on this.”

Even moves in between them to check out the liquor selection, courtesy of Mahdi. “What are we feeling? Tequila? Maybe some whiskey?”

“Anything but rum,” Isak says.

“Oh my god, remember that time…” Jonas starts, but Isak cuts him off.

“Yes, thank you. And that’s why I don’t do rum.”

Even opens his mouth to ask, but Isak is not in the mood to get into his sloppier past. “Don’t. Another time.”

Even grins. “So many secrets.”

“Not secrets, as much as…” Isak laughs. “Embarrassing high school days.”

“Ah.” Even returns to where he’s pouring the drinks. “Either way, I’d like to hear about it.”

He hands out some drinks, Jonas downing his immediately. Isak follows suit, wincing as the tequila hits his throat. “I’m weak.” Even just sips on his, hiding his smile, and Mikael does the same. 

Isak stays in his spot for awhile, greeting people as they pass through the kitchen, grabbing drinks as they go. Through the doorway he can see that Vilde and Eva were successful in their mission to turn the living room into a dance floor.

Even stays next to him, somehow becoming the unofficial bartender of the night. Isak tries to help, but he mostly just shows Even where things are and occasionally challenges him to make weird mixed drinks for their various friends.

After a while, Isak reaches that sweet spot of drunkenness, where he’s bobbing his head to the music from the other room and laughing along to just about everything going on around him.

Elias approaches Isak and Mahdi where they’re standing with Even after a while, jumping his way through the crowd. “Come on, mandatory soccer team dance.”

Mahdi doesn’t seem pleased. “Yeah, that’s not a thing.” He looks to Isak for support, but he just shrugs. He’s feeling good.

“Let’s go.” Mahdi huffs in displeasure, but follows Elias anyways. Even waves Isak away when he hesitates on the way out of the kitchen.

“Go have fun! I’ll join you guys in a bit.” 

Isak nods, and keeps nodding. Even is leaning against his counter, mixing another drink for someone. He looks good, like always. But now Isak is having a hard time pulling his eyes away. Even just smiles at him and points when Elias calls his name from the other room. “I’ll be right there.”

Once Isak reaches the group formed where the couches used to be, now pushed to the walls, Eva hands him a beer. He takes it gladly. He’s finding that he can’t get that image of Even out of his head, loose and friendly, in Isak’s own space.

He opts to stand at the edge of the room with Eva, but that mostly involves making sure she stays upright. Isak drinks, then drinks a bit more, then drinks again when he witnesses the awkward interaction between Eva and Jonas when he comes over to Isak with his bottle of tequila.

There’s definitely a reason he doesn’t get drunk like this too often these days, but Isak is struggling to remember what that reason is. When Eva finally pulls him onto the makeshift dance floor, he goes willingly.

Something about the combination of tequila, the strobe lights Chris provided, and the way Eva, and now Sana, are laughing as they jump around next to him, have made it seem like moshing with his friends is the absolute best decision right now.

He can no longer tell if he’s covered in sweat or the beer that Mahdi keeps spraying over the crowd, but he doesn’t care when Jonas joins them, dancing next to Eva like everything is okay, at least for this moment. And that makes Isak happy, so happy. His friends are so—so good.

And when Vilde starts tugging off her shirt, Isak thinks it’s a fantastic idea to just follow suit. He might regret it in the morning when he’s tagged in some Instagram videos, or maybe Tik Toks, when he sees Elias filming himself in the middle of the mini dance floor, but he forgets all that when Eva jumps up onto the couch and drags him with her.

She’s screaming in his ear over the music about how she’s wasted, but all he can think is how much he fucking loves her, how much he loves every single person in this room.

Magnus barrels into him, almost taking him down onto the couch. “Isak! Where’s your shirt?”

He shakes his head, leaning down so Magnus can hear him better. “I don’t know.”

“I love that for you! Should we head out to a bar soon?”

“Yeah, yeah. Where’s—” Isak grins when he sees Even on the other side of the room, mid-laugh, dancing between Eskild and Noora.

“Isak!” Eva’s pulling at him now. “You have to keep dancing with me!”

He steps off the couch, dragging Magnus and Eva with him back into the middle of their friends. A couple more songs, and then they’ll go.

Isak dances for a bit more, but he soon realizes he needs a chance to breathe. He has to pry Vilde off his back, latching her onto Sana as he goes. Mutta and Yousef are chilling at the kitchen table when he comes in.

“Isak!” Mutta gives him a high five. “You’re killing it out there.”

He laughs as he downs a glass of water. He feels a little gross now, sweating so much from dancing and a coat of Mahdi’s beer on his skin.

Jonas appears in the doorway with Mahdi under his arm, both of them almost crying from laughter, for whatever reason. “Hey, should we head out soon? Get people moving?”

Isak nods. “I just gotta grab a new shirt. And get this fucking beer off me.”

“Oh yeah,” Mahdi pokes his bare back. “Sorry about that.”

“No you’re not,” Mutta cuts in.

“Yeah, not really.”

Isak turns to Yousef, clearly the most coherent person in the room right now. “Yeah, you guys should start moving on if you want. Jonas?” He waves his hand in front of his friend’s face. “I’ll meet you guys there?”

Jonas nods with a grin. “Is Eva coming?”

Mahdi and Isak share a look. “I think?”

“Good,” Jonas rests his head on Mahdi’s shoulder. “That’s good.”

-

Isak walks to the bathroom, laughing at himself as he stumbles a little on his way down the hall.

He reaches for the handle, but the door is opened from the other side before he can make contact.

Isak finds Even standing across from him, staring down at his chest. It makes him stand up a little straighter. And if he flexes his abs a little bit, no one has to know but him.

“Hey, Even.” He says, barely hearing his own voice above the music still blaring from the living room.

Even doesn’t respond. He’s looking him in the eye now, and Isak wants to dart his eyes, but he finds he can’t break the moment. He takes a shaky breath. 

He still has to wash some of the beer off of him, feeling stickier by the second. “Can I…” he points to the sink just in sight behind Even.

Even stays unresponsive for another second. Before Isak has the time to consider just using the kitchen sink or something, Even seems to emerge from his head. He flashes Isak a small smile and takes a step further back into the bathroom, gesturing for Isak to come in.

Isak steps around him in the small space. He shuts the door behind him, the noise from the living room fading slightly as he does. He knows he should turn around, face the mirror and wash his hands and towel himself off like he came here for, but he keeps his eyes on Even, returning his smile with a raise of his eyebrows.

Isak opens his mouth to ask how he’s doing, but Even’s lips are on his before the words come out. It takes Isak a second to react, reeling slightly. When he realizes what’s happening though, he responds in kind.

It feels fucking heavenly. Isak is sure he smells like a bar, but Even doesn’t seem to mind as his mouth slides against his, hand grasping at Isak’s cheek and jaw.

Even deepens the kiss after a moment, and Isak just follows his lead. He runs his hands up Even’s chest, his shirt slightly wet from Mahdi’s beer hose as well.

He pulls Even closer, taking a step back until he feels the sink digging into his lower back. Isak finds he kind of likes it, being held in place as Even licks into his mouth. Isak is tall himself, but Even feels imposing in the best way. His lips are soft, but bruising as Isak keeps his grip firm on Even’s neck, fingers toying with the hair at his nape. 

When Even brings a hand up to thumb at Isak’s nipple, he almost crumbles right there. “You look so fucking good tonight,” Even whispers against him.

They’re the first words either has spoken since they entered, but they don’t break the spell. They enhance it really, as Even kisses down Isak’s neck, biting a few places gently as he goes.

“Fucking shit.” Isak can’t get more coherent than that, but Even just lets out a huff of amusement against his collarbone. He licks up Isak’s chest, still tacky with drying beer.

He knows there’s so much he should be thinking about right now, so many things he’s risking by making out with a potentially heartbroken Even while all of his friends rage on just outside the door, but Isak just decides to say fuck it. Because Even is sucking at his clavicle with abandon, trying to leave a mark that Isak will cherish until it fades.

Isak sighs in contentment, letting himself rest against the sink and tilt his head back until it meets the mirror behind them, just as Even starts to grind against his thigh. The groan Even lets out at the feeling of them pressed together has Isak standing straight again, hips rocking to meet Even’s.

“Yeah, Isak,” Even breathes out. He lifts his head, and they share a small smile before Isak brings his lips back to Even’s. They keep moving together, trading off between deep kisses and gasps, grasping at necks, waists, belts, whatever they can get their hands on.

Isak fingers the hem of Even’s t-shirt. He needs it off, five minutes ago. Even nods when he notices Isak’s pleading look, and steps back for a painfully long second to start pulling it off.

A banging on the door startles them into silence. Isak tries not to laugh at the sight of Even with his shirt halfway over his head, only his chin visible.

“What?” Isak yells, voice coming out raspy and a little breathless.

“I have to pee!” It’s Eva.

Fucking shit. Even has brought his shirt back down, eyes still dark as he watches Isak look around for find a place to hide. He already knows there isn’t one in the tiny space.

“Can’t you hold it?” Isak asks.

Eva huffs in annoyance. “Just let me in.”

“Why can’t you go at the bar,” he bites out.

“I’m already here. Let me in, I’ll just be a second.”

Even is just wearing an amused smile as Isak rolls his eyes at him. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m—” Isak squints at the ground, blanking on a solid excuse.

Eva starts giggling. “Are you taking a shit?”

Even laughs in earnest then, hand slapped over his mouth. Isak smacks his arm when he starts wheezing.

“Yes, Eva.” He grumbles out. “I’m taking a shit. Now leave.”

“Okay buddy!” Once they hear her stomp down the hall, Isak expects the moment to be over, ruined with the sudden reality check and bathroom talk.

But while Even is laughing quietly, everything less intense than it was before, he still leans in and kisses Isak slow. His annoyance and panic fade when Even brings a hand to his cheek, coaxing his mouth open and easing in his tongue. The act would bring Isak to his knees, if he didn’t have a hand gripping the edge of the sink, keeping him upright.

Even pulls back before Isak can fully wrap himself around him again. “Could we—your room?” Even huffs out. Isak smirks at how breathless he sounds. He did that.

“You’re smart,” Isak quips, kissing him one more time before letting go. He opens the door slowly, making sure the coast is clear before dragging Even to the end of the hall, where his bed awaits. There are a few people standing in Jonas’ room as they pass, but Isak doesn’t wait around to see who’s who, practically running the few lengths between the bathroom and his room, only taking a chance to breathe when they’re shut safely inside.

It’s even quieter in his room than in the bathroom, and Isak gets a chance both to breathe easy and have a slight freak out at what the night might hold.

Now that they’re here, Even seems less inclined to take the lead, maybe being it being Isak’s turf and all. They’re still standing near the door.

“This is my room.” Isak swings a hand around the small space.

Even steps further inside and looks it over with a grin. “I like it.”

It’s a bit of a mess, a few of Isak’s rejected outfits for tonight still sitting in piles on the floor.

He pulls out his phone, texting the boys that he’s not feeling great and won’t be going out to the bars, but no need to worry. Jonas and the guys may be wasted out of their minds, but they know to only bother Isak in his sleep if it’s an absolute emergency. 

For once, he’s glad for the boundaries his angsty high school self set. He places his phone on his dresser, making sure to lock his door before he steps in front of Even. Now they’re alone.

He kisses Even again, trying to quiet his brain. This is what he’s been fantasizing about for the last three weeks. And it’s been even better than he could have imagined. He plans on keeping it that way.

They just kiss for a few minutes, learning what the other likes. Even gets his shirt off with no interruptions this time, and Isak wants to cry. He’s so fucking hot.

“Can you—do you want to fuck me?” Isak blanches at how abrupt his question sounds in the relative peace of the dark room, but Even responds with look of slight shock, followed by an aggressive nod.

“Oh my god, yes. Fuck.” He runs a hand down Isak’s back, sliding past his waist band and gripping his ass, pressing Isak even closer into him. Isak melts at the contact, his kisses sloppy on Even’s lower lip. “You have stuff?”

“Yeah.” He pulls away reluctantly to guide them over to the bed.

He hears the clink of Even’s belt buckle while he rummages through the drawer next to his bed, finally fishing out the lube and a condom. He places them on top of the night stand, just as Even plasters himself against Isak’s back, still sticky with sweat and beer. He’ll definitely need to change his sheets soon.

“Take off your pants,” Even says. Isak can hear the laughter in his voice. 

And he responds in kind, maneuvering to lie on the bed as Even looms above him. “Yes sir.”

“Didn’t mean it like that. Fuck you.” Even’s eyes are lit up in amusement.

Isak raises his eyebrows. “Isn’t that the plan?”

He unbuttons his jeans before Even can snark back. Even is sitting on his knees on the bed, briefs still on, dick straining against the fabric. The sight has Isak’s mouth watering.

Isak finds doesn’t have much patience for shedding clothes layer by layer, and starts pushing down his jeans and briefs in one go. He tries to make a bit of a show of it, straining his abs as he lies back on the bed.

Even’s eyes are intent as he watches Isak strip off, pulling his briefs off as well. Isak barely has time to admire his dick, however, as things take a turn for the unsexy when Isak pushes his pants to his ankles to find that he has completely forgotten to take off his sneakers. So much for looking suave.

Even cracks up when he notices. “Here. Let me help.”

Together they make quick work of Isak’s shoes and socks, jeans and briefs following right after. He gets on his knees and brings his mouth back to Even’s, grasping himself for just a second, just to keep in check. Isak has no interest in finishing before Even is inside him.

With a steady hand on Isak’s chest, Even pushes him back down onto the bed. Isak goes easy. They kiss for awhile like this, hips rolling as one as they feel each other out, things not quite as frantic now that they’re in the safety of Isak’s room.

“So,” Even pulls back. He grabs the lube, but seems unsure what he’d like to do next.

Isak starts to turn. “Hands and knees?”

Even shakes his head firmly. “No, no. Is it okay if—”

“On my back?”

Even nods, groaning when Isak lays down, stroking himself a bit. He runs his hands up Isak’s thighs with a sheepish smile. “Damn. Do you want…”

“Open me up?” Isak half asks, half begs.

Even opens up the tube. “I can do that.” Isak strokes himself as he watches Even maneuver himself in front of him. Isak opens his legs so Even can kneel, feeling so exposed. It’s been so long since he’s been in this position, and never with such nerves. 

It barely feels real, the way Even is so disheveled in front of him, so clearly into this. But the chill of Even’s fingers, coated in lube against him, remind Isak how very real this is.

Even pauses before he presses a finger in. “I haven’t done this that much.”

“What, like—ass stuff?”

Even nods, looking a little vulnerable. Right. Sonja and all that. Isak shakes the doubt and jealousy out of his head. He already said fuck it, and he’s not taking that back, not tonight.

Isak leans up on an elbow and brings a gentle hand to Even’s wrist, squeezing once. “Just, feel it out, I guess?”

Even smiles again. “Okay. Will you tell me what you like?”

“Um.” Most of Isak’s previous hook ups had been quick and to the point, no place for dirty talk or real communication about his desires. “I’ll try?”

Even leans down to kiss him again. The act helps Isak relax into the bed, just as Even pushes a finger into him. It’s still cold, and Isak has shift around in the pillows to get in a good position, but with Even staring at him intently, dick pulsing where it’s pushed against Isak’s thigh, it feels like the hottest thing in the world.

Even takes it slow, slower than Isak needs, but he doesn’t want to rush him. They kiss through Even adding two fingers, Isak’s legs loosening, already lost in the feeling.

When he brings a hand to Even’s dick, wanting him to feel as fucking good as Isak does right now, Even pulls back for a second, embarrassed smile on his face. “Wait.”

“You okay?”

Even groans into Isak’s neck. “I’m already close. If you touch me…” he trails off in a laugh and nuzzles into Isak’s throat, such an intimate gesture.

Isak can’t help but feel smug at that. “Yeah, that good?” He brings a hand to Even’s cheek, stroking gently. They smile at each other. “Hey Even?”

“What?”

“Can you keep fingering me?”

“Fuck. Right.” Even’s eyes are wide as Isak laughs, pressing another kiss to his mouth, to his forearm leaning on the bed next to him. It feels so freeing, that the two of them can giggle like this, rib each other while Even still curls his fingers just right.

“Add a third,” Isak breathes out. “You feel so good,” he adds, knowing he’s been hesitant about speaking up, but grateful that Even hasn’t pushed too hard. Isak will learn—he’ll learn how, if Even wants. Whatever he wants.

Even complies instantly, leaning back on his knees now to admire how Isak takes his fingers. Isak misses the press of Even’s lips on his, his breath in his ear, but he’s moved in a whole new way when Even’s dick jumps, just from watching Isak grind onto his hand beneath him.

Even bats Isak’s hand away from where he’s stroking himself lightly, replacing it with his own. Isak melts at the contact, body on fire with Even’s full attention placed on him. It scares him, this intensity, but he feels too good to question anything right now. He just leans back and basks in the way Even worships him with his hands, his fingers grasped around Even’s arm close to his head, just to feel him even nearer.

“I’m good,” he rasps out after awhile of this. He needs more. “You can—” he gestures to Even’s dick. “You know.”

“I can what?” Even asks with a grin, pulling both hands from Isak to grab the condom on the bed.

Isak huffs. “Even. Please.” The whine seems to shut Even up, face serious again. His hand shakes slightly as he rips open the condom and rolls it on. Isak feels those same nerves all the way down in his gut, the anticipation of what’s to come. Even lines himself up against him, but Isak pulls him down by the neck to kiss him before he can push in. “You good?” He asks, just to make sure.

Even, already red in the face, blushes deeper. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m good.” Isak raises his eyebrows suggestively, grinding down unconsciously, feeling an urgency consuming him as Even’s dick still rests against him, harder than ever. “Fuck, I need you in me.”

Even nods at that, pulling back to watch himself enter Isak, deliciously slow. Isak has to close his eyes at the breach, and he knows, he _knows_ Even’s doing it for his own sake, not moving too fast, keeping himself in check, but it’s torturous.

After what feels like an eternity, Even pushes all the way in, leans down and presses his lips to Isak’s, more of a gasp than a kiss. “You okay?” When Isak nods, Even begins to thrust, still moving like a fucking glacier.

Isak just watches the man above him for a moment. Even’s face is skewed in concentration, one elbow resting just next to Isak’s head, holding himself up. Isak leans up a little to mouth at Even’s bicep as they build up a rhythm, the closest thing he can latch onto.

The action spurs Even to move a little faster, Isak’s hips rolling to meet him. It takes a bit for them to find the perfect sync, but once they do—Isak surrenders himself to it all.

All he can see is Even above him, sweating slightly, looking like everything Isak never knew he wanted. All he can feel is everything, the thrilling ache of Even hitting him just right, the stretch in his thighs as he gets a leg wrapped partly around Even’s backside, bringing them even closer together. Their heaving chests, breathing as one, keeping slightly quiet with the faraway knowledge that a party goes on around them, though by now people are probably long gone.

He pulls Even’s hand away from his dick so he can envelop him into his chest, the friction against Even’s stomach just right. They kiss and kiss and kiss, Isak only pulling back to rest their foreheads together, breathing through the intensity of feeling Even so deep within him.

“I’m so close,” Even says as he tilts Isak’s neck to the side, his teeth scraping lightly.

“Yeah?” Isak is achingly hard, not quite there, but just the knowledge of how undone Even is pushes him closer to the edge.

Even moves to pause, to pull back and bring Isak off with him, but Isak holds him close. “I want you to come in me.”

“You—yeah, okay.” There’s surprise and hunger in Even’s eyes as he thrusts into Isak, harder now that he’s chasing relief. He brings one hand to Isak’s thigh and grips tight, short nails digging deep. Isak hopes he’ll see the mark tomorrow, and the day after, and after and after until Even returns and can mark him again.

He pulls Even tight in his arms again, wanting to feel him even deeper, even closer, breathing him in as Even grunts into his neck, thrusts sloppy and fast and unravelling and perfect, all the way to the end. 

Isak is sad for a moment at having missed the look on Even’s face as he came, but he forgets it all when Even kisses him deeply, pushing through his aftershock.

He grins into Isak’s mouth, face and chest flushed and faultless. “God damnit, Isak.” He grins back, hips pushing up at Even to get that friction on his dick again. He’s so close, so right, so happy, so—he can’t help the laugh that rips out of his chest.

Even pauses, looking slightly ashamed but still smiling, and Isak tries to recover, wrapping one arm around him and pulling him down by the neck for another sloppy kiss. “Sorry—sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m just—I’m drunk and so turned on and I can’t think and—” _and this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I want you to stay inside me forever, weird as that sounds, and I haven’t even finished yet, but I want to, but I don’t, but I need you deeper, and longer, and endlessly._

And maybe he doesn’t say all that, but the way Even stares back, so dark, so fond, so satisfied, makes Isak feel like, maybe he gets it too. “Here—let me…” he trails off as he pulls away, pulls out slow, takes Isak’s soul with him. After a moment of emptiness, Even collects himself and his fingers replace him, hitting that spot again and again. 

Even kisses down Isak’s chest, licking at the mess of precum on his stomach, until he reaches his dick and brings him into his mouth. 

“Even, I’m almost—,” he sighs out. Even sucks him off with a fervor that leaves Isak rolling his head back to look at the ceiling, praising some implausible god for granting him this, all of this, even just for one night.

And when Even takes him down as far as he can, eyes close to watering, fingers still twisting inside him, Isak meets his maker.

It must be a minute or two before he comes back online fully, head lolling lazily as he watches Even throw out the condom and make use of the roll of toilet paper on his night stand, cleaning them both up a little.

Reality starts to set in, bit by bit. Isak never washed off the beer, and now he’s sticking to his sheets slightly as he shifts. A vague wave of dread starts to build in him once Even gets up again to throw out the toilet paper. Not regret, never regret, but fear, maybe, for the unknown. For what’s next, for what Even is thinking now.

Isak sits up as Even returns to the bed, toppling onto his back next to him. He’s still naked, shameless as he stretches out on the length of the mattress. Even reaches over to pinch Isak’s side. “That was fun.” He’s grinning, and Isak returns the expression.

“It was.”

Even brings an arm behind his head as he runs his eyes over Isak in appreciation. Isak feels shy again, exposed despite everything they just did. He doesn’t want Even to go, but he’s not quite sure how to ask him to stay. And feeling gross and still drunk isn’t helping.

Even grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers, pulling it towards him so Isak has no choice but to follow, finding himself tucked into the crook of Even’s neck. He sighs in contentment when Even presses his lips to his forehead and holds them there.

The room is only illuminated by the streetlights that shine through Isak’s cheap blinds, but it’s enough light that he can turn his head up and see Even’s face staring back down at him. Isak kisses him once and snuggles closer, trying to let the looseness in his limbs and mind win out over the anxiety.

At some point the party must have moved on, the apartment quiet again. Even’s breath is steady and his heartbeat sure under Isak’s hand. It’s the only thing he cares to hear.

“God, I’m tired now.” Isak feels the words against his hair.

“Me too. Sex does that to you, I’ve heard.”

Even snorts. “Thank you, Doctor Valtersen.”

“Not there yet. God, that just reminds me of all the work coming up.” Isak slaps him on the stomach. “Thanks for that.”

Even is just laughing silently when they smile at each other again. “Let’s think about something good then.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Even shifts him in his arms and kisses him deeply. “Like your dancing tonight.”

Isak brings a hand to his face. “That was a lot. I don’t know if you could even call it dancing.”

“True. It was stripping, more like.”

“Fuck you.” Isak makes to move away, but Even holds him close.

“In a good way!” 

Isak crawls until he’s almost on top of Even. “Did you…were you watching me?”

Even smiles back. “I was.”

Isak is still drunk, he thinks, that’s why he feels the need to dig deeper, putting his head back onto Even’s chest. “Did you like it?”

Even laughs openly at that. “Did I like when you took off your shirt and soaked yourself in beer? Yes, Isak. I liked it.” Even presses a few kisses against his head for good measure, and slides a hand down Isak’s back to squeeze his ass. “Liked it so much.”

Isak’s dick twitches at that, but he whines against Even’s cheek. “I think if we tried to go again I would fall asleep.” Not to mention the soreness setting in, now that he thinks about it.

“Me too.” Even giggles.

Isak takes a breath. “If you’re tired, you should sleep…” he pulls back to gauge Even’s reaction, but he doesn’t give anything away. “Sleep here.”

“Yeah?”

Even’s face is still neutral, but he rubs a hand against Isak’s back, and that feels like something good. “Yeah. I should take a shower, though.”

Even frowns at that. “No.” He pushes Isak down this time, and brings the covers from the end of the bed up and over the both of them. “We’ll do that tomorrow.”

Isak sighs. He should check his phone. He should double check the lock. He should change the sheets. He should think this through.

As if Even can read the thoughts as they pass through his head, he rests a hand against Isak’s cheek. They’re not so wrapped up in each other now, a bit of space between their faces, but their knees knock, and Even still holds one of Isak’s hands against his chest. “Tomorrow,” Even says softly. “Let’s sleep now.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um. in editing this i realized that every fic i've written so far has at least one moment where the characters get drunk and do questionable shit. i'd ask you not to see that as a reflection of me (the writer)........ but it really fuckin is 🤙🏼 don't drink and have feelings yall. or do! it can be fun and messy 😈
> 
> i have so many other things i want to say/apologize for but uhhhhhhh... thanks for reading! feel free to kudos and comment and message me and tell me abt your life and be my friend 🤠


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